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Rereading Twilight


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Listen, I know, but sometimes a girl just needs some cheesy YA to make her brain go "buuuuuhhhhh" for a little while, okay? There's a global pandemic, don't judge me.

But anyway, oh my god I haven't read this book since I was maybe fourteen, and I remember that I really liked the beginning part and then my interest tapered off towards the end. I thought it might have been because I had a short attention span, or maybe I'd picked up something that I liked better and just dropped it-- but rereading it now, I totally get it. The second Bella and Edward actually become a couple, my investment just TANKED. 

Seriously, I get so into the beginning part with the weird stares and the "does he like me or hate me", and even the "ohh noooo every boy in school is asking me out, whatever shall I do" because let's be honest, wish fulfillment fiction is popular for a reason, and right now it's kind of nice to imagine just going to highschool in a small town where your biggest worry is "what if I trip over my own feet during gym????" and "does the Hot Boy really hate me?? why does he stare at me all the time??? uwu" 

And then the second that the focus of the story turns from "will the boy like me" to "the boy likes me and how will our relationship work", I'm zoned out and looking for something else. And it's fascinating because that mirrors how I view my relationships in real life!! I'm addicted to that buildup of crushing on someone, being all nervous about whether or not they like me, and gossiping about it with other people-- and then the moment an actual relationship has the potential to happen I'm like nope, no thanks, I have no interest in this. 

I feel kind of flaky about it. It almost feels like I'm not aro enough because I do have an interest in and a history with behaviors like this, and traditional romantic stereotypes. And then I also feel like I'm not a normal alloromantic because I get so weird about relationships (aka I don't want them, I feel uncomfortable in them, and I find them boring to read about when you get past the initial buzz of "will it happen or not".) So frustrating!!! Why can't I just be a Normal Aro lmfao!

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