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This is a vent. But there's a question at the end.



There's no name for what I am.

I might be gray-aromantic. But I might just be straight up alloromantic. 

But grayness or no grayness, it doesn't change the fact that I prefer platonic over romantic relationships. I just call it "platonically-oriented." 

But there's no real actual name for it :/


I think I might have actually found one other person like me. But ironically it's someone who I can't really talk to much because they're super busy and not really interested in talking. 


Anyway. For me, it manifests in this odd niche way. I seems like for most people their one special relationship is their romantic relationship. For me, that special relationship is a super close relationship with a best friend - totally non-romantic and totally non-sexual. I still actually would like to have a romantic relationship as well. It's just that... with romantic relationships...I just don't feel as close in them and they don't feel as special. This all must sound so bizzarre. But it is what it is. It's like. My best friend fills my #1 slot and my romantic partner fills my #2 slot....in terms of depth, intensity, specialness, attachment, etc. None of this is by choice. It's just how I'm wired. If I could change my wiring I WOULD. It would be so much easier to be romantically-oriented. And I know that if I shared this anywhere else so many people would feel personally offended that I said my romantic partner would be my #2 instead of my #1. But again. This isn't by choice. This is just how I'm wired. Also, forgive me if this whole...tier/ranking system in my relationships gives you any bad feels. Once again...it's not a choice...it's just how I'm wired. Back before I understood that I'm platonically-oriented and was with my ex boyfriend...I tried soooo hard to put him above my closest friend or to put him even at the same level as her.... because I felt like I was supposed to. But my attention just kept slipping back to her. I couldn't help it. I just felt more strongly towards her. Also, attaining romantic relationships is never a high priority for me...that goal always takes the back burner...as an un-partnered person entering a new group of people...my first thought is *not* "Will I meet my future spouse here?" it's "Will I meet my bff here?" Generally speaking, I spend waaay more effort trying to attract a QPR best friend than trying to attract a romantic partner. And. Just. Within myself I can very clearly feel this innate preference for a QPR-ish type of best friend relationship. 


I came to this site hoping to...idk...hoping to find....validation I guess. 


Am I just?...is this even?....I mean. Like. I feel like *a lot* of you probably relate to preferring platonic over romantic relationships...especially those of you who are completely aromantic...but like...for me...it's not that I prefer platonic over romantic because I can't feel romantic feelings. I can feel them. They never last long but I can feel them. And I even enjoy romantic relationships. It's just that QPR type relationships are more satisfying to me than romantic ones are. 

And honestly. Even if I am gray-aromantic. I just feel like....this is it's own thing. This platonic preference of mine. 

And I mean. I think very many people on the aromantic spectrum are platonically-oriented but I guess I just need it to be known that you can be platonically-oriented and *not* be on the aromantic spectrum...or be platonically-oriented and be romance-positive. 

So I guess my question is...if this is indeed a thing...the way that I feel like it's a thing....how does one go about getting a thing officially named? That loooong list of different orientations on the aromantic spectrum...how did that happen?

P.S. If you read all this, thank you so much :) May you be blessed with very many great-tasting waffles or maybe some stellar soup or 200 vacation days :) :P:) 



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OK I reckon this is a tough one to give a clear answer to but here is my attempt.

words become used by being used, if you want to go about getting something 'officially named' as you put it then pretty much what you do is put that term out there in the world and try to find people who will use it.  If people start picking the term up and spreading it around the aro world someone who curates a list like that is going to pick it up eventually.

7 hours ago, Planet said:

That loooong list of different orientations on the aromantic spectrum...how did that happen?

Now I don't know for sure how it started, I wasn't there but if you are referring to the AUREA glossary or a list based from that this info might help.

AUREA takes volunteers, see this page for details


in particular under contributor

'As a contributor, you would be assigned to a certain project, alongside the people already working on it to help out with creating and/or maintaining it'

'Our resources and glossary need to be maintained less often and require thoroughness and attention to detail. '

So that is roughly how that happens, they get volunteers to work on the glossary, those volunteers decide on what words to include and update/work on definitions. Beyond that or how they go about choosing terms, I am not sure.

To get a word on there, I have no idea, however under the glossary is a list of uncommon or emerging words: https://www.aromanticism.org/en/uncommon-and-newly-emerging-terms

Some of these words have links to the people who coined them, might be worth getting in touch with one of them if you are serious. asking if they know anything about how their term got on there might be an idea.

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