I feel like I’m not ‘legitimately’ aromantic

[aroscorpio]

Hi! So hopefully the title isn’t misleading. I’m not questioning my aromanticism - I pretty much know that I‘m aro - but what upsets me is that I feel like I don’t feel ‘as aromantic’ as other people. Like, I’m not Demiromantic, Quairomantic, ect.. I’m Aromantic, but basically what I’m talking about is people who say that they’ve never felt anything remotely close to a crush in their life (no shade against these people, I promise. I’m sure you’re all great :D) and I’m still new to actually identifying as aromantic. I know I’ve never wanted a committed relationship, or to get married or anything like that, but I’ve had what I believe to be intense squishes before (which I’ve written about in some of my other threads - feel free to check it out if you’re curious) but I’m still figuring out exactly what they were, because I never really wanted to be intimate with them, and I never pursued a romantic relationship with them, I just got giddy and nervous when I was around them and thinking about them made me happy. Now hearing about other people who have never once felt anything like this makes me start to feel like I’m not a ‘legitimate’ aromantic, or I’m not ‘wholly’ aromantic. I guess the fear is that I always do things in extremes, and I never half-ass stuff, so I guess I feel like I’m not ‘as aromantic as possible’ even though I so desperately want to be. If any of that made any sense. ? I’d love to hear you guys’ opinions about it. As always; thank you! ?

[Autumn]

I assure you, having intense squishes (or however you choose to define those experiences - we still massively lack clear, consistent, and varied language for the very nebulous experiences of relationships and feelings) doesn't make you any less 'legitimate' of an aromantic. If you id as aromantic, and that's the label that makes you most comfortable, then you are 100% 'legitimate', because the label is really just there to help people explore and understand themselves. I don't think I've ever had squishes quite like that, or if I did it was as a kid, but that's only a relevant part of my own personal aromanticism. Everyone's experiences with it look and feel a bit different, and they're all just as valid and legit. It's just what you've experienced in life, and it's just a label that can help you describe or understand those experiences. I definitely understand not relating completely to the community you're a part of - especially when you're new to it - can make it easy to question things, but the whole community is incredibly diverse as far as experiences and relationship goals/desires goes, so you don't need to worry too much! (There are def other no-romo aros who get intense squishes and other forms of attractions as well, it's all good!)

Edited August 1, 2020 by Autumn

[aroscorpio]

2 hours ago, Autumn said:

I assure you, having intense squishes (or however you choose to define those experiences - we still massively lack clear, consistent, and varied language for the very nebulous experiences of relationships and feelings) doesn't make you any less 'legitimate' of an aromantic. If you id as aromantic, and that's the label that makes you most comfortable, then you are 100% 'legitimate', because the label is really just there to help people explore and understand themselves. I don't think I've ever had squishes quite like that, or if I did it was as a kid, but that's only a relevant part of my own personal aromanticism. Everyone's experiences with it look and feel a bit different, and they're all just as valid and legit. It's just what you've experienced in life, and it's just a label that can help you describe or understand those experiences. I definitely understand not relating completely to the community you're a part of - especially when you're new to it - can make it easy to question things, but the whole community is incredibly diverse as far as experiences and relationship goals/desires goes, so you don't need to worry too much! (There are def other no-romo aros who get intense squishes and other forms of attractions as well, it's all good!)

Awee thank you so much! I don’t have a lot to say in response but rest assured I’m soaking up every bit of information you’re giving me. ? It really means a lot to me! Thank you

[Cheerio]

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling like this! While certainly not all, plenty of aro people have also experienced intense squishes that you've described, myself included (which can be so confusing!). But it seems like you've been able to discern that your squishes (as the name implies) are not romantic likes "crushes" would be. You've identified with the term aromantic for a reason and that is 100% valid. The intensity of your squishes doesn't matter and shouldn't deter you from wholly identifying with a label that's been the most reflective of your orientation. The other member on this thread said it perfectly: feelings and their intensity vary among everyone in the community and therefore we all experience our aromanticism in different ways. However, we're all united under the label because it's a convenient way to grasp a very complicated part of our identity. 

[aroscorpio]

15 minutes ago, Cheerio said:

Hi! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling like this! While certainly not all, plenty of aro people have also experienced intense squishes that you've described, myself included (which can be so confusing!). But it seems like you've been able to discern that your squishes (as the name implies) are not romantic likes "crushes" would be. You've identified with the term aromantic for a reason and that is 100% valid. The intensity of your squishes doesn't matter and shouldn't deter you from wholly identifying with a label that's been the most reflective of your orientation. The other member on this thread said it perfectly: feelings and their intensity vary among everyone in the community and therefore we all experience our aromanticism in different ways. However, we're all united under the label because it's a convenient way to grasp a very complicated part of our identity. 

Aweee thank you - you guys have been able to reassure me so much and it really does mean everything to me. I mean that. Also, I was nervous to jump into this forum because I didn’t know how the community would be, but everyone here is so kind and welcoming! Thank you! ?