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New but Wary User

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I'm mixed, part Japanese, raised in Japan until teen, English is my third language, trans male, formerly identified as bi and really reluctant to let go of that because of biphobia including racist abusers hurting me for claming that, but I discovered what "sexual attraction" really was and that I don't feel that last year. At almost 40 I'm wondering if I even *ever* really felt romantic attraction, if maybe I'm  cupioromantic, was something else aro and just lonely all along and brainwashed by amatonormativity. 

At the same time, I'm starting off not really trusting anyone because AVEN is so toxic and bigoted and I'm worried about a repeat. In fact, I'm ready to not post this and delete my account right now, so I'm gonna hit "post" before I lose my nerve.

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