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BigWoofEh

Lost, but possibly Aro?

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Heya! I'm 24/M and in a straight relationship if three months. I've always had trouble with long-term relationships, the longest one kept being at 9 months. I'm starting to wonder if it's due to being Aro or Greyromantic and would love any i put people have.

 

I've been in four relationships over eight years that all seem to follow a pattern of infatuation to becoming comfortable with the other person, to later feeling trapped or like interactions (like calling only to say good night or trying to fall asleep together) start to feel suffocating, even if it's during a reasonable amount of time. The same feeling has started to creep up with this relationship, though I know this is the healthiest one I've ever been in.

 

The conversations became hard to keep. I feel like I'm carrying them and forcing them, which is also a part of the pattern. Meanwhile, I know there are conversations about the world (politics, sciences, events) that I could be having with friends. I've always found them attractive, even if not physically. 

 

This all feels very confusing to say. But hopefully it makes sense. Short explanation is I have some libido, like interaction, feel some vague attraction toward my friend group, and don't know if this adds up to being Aro, greyromantic, or just a real piece of work. Any ideas? Happy to explain more as needed.

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Hi, BigWoofEh! I like the username!

This is a hard one to get a grasp on because you don't really talk a lot about what you think you may be feeling that is or isn't romantic attraction. Based on what you said here, it could easily be a fear or lack of desire to commit or simply being not yet ready to commit. It could also just be the natural course of these relationships that they were better in the "honeymoon phase" but once that passed, you realized you weren't really attracted to them (anymore) or happy with them once things settled. And, you could of course be arospec in addition to either or both of these.

You're here for a reason, though. Have you checked out the threads Early Signs You Were Aro or You Might Be Aro If...? How about any of the links in this semi-masterpost about how others figured out they were aro and signs that you might be aro? I would also even suggest looking through the Carnival of Aros posts. One topic you might find particularly interesting is Relationships or even the Love topic.

Do you connect with the things you read in those links?

How about identifying as aromantic - how does the thought of doing so make you feel? Do you think that identifying as aromantic would help you in any way? Would it help you communicate your feelings to others? Or how about to connect with others who have similar feelings/experiences as you? If you answered positively or in an affirmative way to any of those questions, then that's a good sign that you're aro!

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