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good evening, sorry for my bad english (i come from italy)
my name is alessia and i am 18 years old, I have never experienced romantic attraction, on the contrary often Platonic attraction.I often happened to disappoint the people who tried with me, 
this makes me feel bad, especially if I care about them, I am sexually attracted to males and females, I love the game of seduction but when the time comes, I always go back.
I think this is wrong but I don't want to hurt other people's feelings.
also I would like to fall in love one day but the thought scares me a lot and I don't think it will ever happen. 
I tried to explain to my family that they were aromantic, but they don't take me seriously. they say I'm too young to understand my romantic orientation,
and that I just haven't found the right person yet and when it does I will change my mind.
but I am sure I am aromantic and that no matter how hard I try this will not change,

 

I just want you to understand me and accept it.

 

do you have any advice? please help i am desperate

 

Thank you

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First of all, welcome! I id as demisexual, but I might be allosexual. You're in good company here. A lot of people don't understand aromanticism and asexuality. Which sucks, but doesn't make either any less real.

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Posted (edited)

I'm so sorry, Shines. This is never easy, and unfortunately, there's really no good solution. This is because it doesn't matter how hard you try or how patient you are - you can't force people to change their mind if they're not willing to have an open mind and confront their own beliefs.

What you can do is decide your own limits and what it is you need for your mental health and physical safety.

If you want to - and only if you want to - you can keep bringing this up to your family and try to educate them more on aromanticism. You might find AUREA a helpful starting place for this, especially if you think your family might be willing to check out some resources for themselves.

Or you might decide this is a subject you want to avoid with them. Change the subject to something else when it comes up and make this something you don't really talk about with them. Frustrating, sad, hurtful - but you don't have to engage with anything you don't want. If they can't respect your feelings, then they don't get to partake in that part of your life.

There is no inherently right or wrong decision to make here. The best decision is the one you make for yourself (and know that you can always change your mind and try out a different method later if you want).

Regardless, however you can, I would lean more on the people you can trust and who accept and support you more. Do you have accepting friends? I don't know much about Italy, but how about any queer organizations/clubs/groups in your area? They may not really know about aromanticism, but they may also be more open-minded than your family. How about more online communities like this one (particularly in your native language so they're easier for you to navigate) and across other social media forms?

There is nothing wrong with being aromantic. There's nothing wrong with being aromantic and having sex with people you want to have sex with. There's nothing wrong with your identity. < 3

Edited by horriblegoose
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On 11/4/2020 at 03:19, horriblegoose said:

Mi dispiace tanto, Shines. Questo non è mai facile e, sfortunatamente, non esiste davvero una buona soluzione. Questo perché non importa quanto ci provi o quanto sei paziente: non puoi costringere le persone a cambiare idea se non sono disposte ad avere una mente aperta e ad affrontare le proprie convinzioni.

Quello che puoi fare è decidere i tuoi limiti e ciò di cui hai bisogno per la tua salute mentale e la tua sicurezza fisica.

Se vuoi - e solo se vuoi - puoi continuare a farlo conoscere alla tua famiglia e provare a educarli maggiormente sull'aromanticismo. Potresti trovare AUREA un utile punto di partenza per questo, specialmente se pensi che la tua famiglia potrebbe essere disposta a controllare alcune risorse per sé.

Oppure potresti decidere che questo è un argomento che vuoi evitare con loro. Cambia argomento in qualcos'altro quando viene fuori e rendilo qualcosa di cui non parli davvero con loro. Frustrante, triste, doloroso - ma non devi impegnarti con tutto ciò che non vuoi. Se non possono rispettare i tuoi sentimenti, non possono prendere parte a quella parte della tua vita.

Non vi è alcuna decisione intrinsecamente giusta o sbagliata da prendere qui. La decisione migliore è quella che prendi per te (e sappi che puoi sempre cambiare idea e provare un metodo diverso in seguito, se lo desideri).

Indipendentemente da ciò, per quanto tu possa, mi affiderei di più alle persone di cui ti puoi fidare e che ti accettano e ti sostengono di più. Accetti amici? Non so molto dell'Italia, ma che ne pensi di eventuali organizzazioni / club / gruppi queer nella tua zona? Potrebbero non conoscere davvero l'aromanticismo, ma potrebbero anche essere più aperti rispetto alla tua famiglia. Che ne dici di più comunità online come questa (in particolare nella tua lingua madre, quindi sono più facili da navigare) e attraverso altri moduli di social media?

Non c'è niente di sbagliato nell'essere aromantico. Non c'è niente di sbagliato nell'essere aromantico e fare sesso con persone con cui vuoi fare sesso. Non c'è niente di sbagliato nella tua identità. ❤️

 

thank you for the advice. unfortunately here in Italy there is little information and the subject is ignored, as if the only way to love was romantic. however I will try to make my mom known to my world through AUREA.

Thanks again

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