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Affection Bouts with Aromanticism?


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I don’t know if this is a question or a ramble with a question inside of it or just a vent of confusion. I consider myself aromantic and don’t have an urge for a romantic relationship (but wouldn’t mind a long-term companionship). And I was wondering if any other aros had this similar experience. 

I have (had) love and strong affections for two individuals in my life, which has (had) made me question my aromantic ID. One of those individuals I am no longer in contact with (nothing negative happened, just lost contact) and the other one I still am in constant contact with. 

However, it wasn’t (isn’t) romantic love, but this seriously overwhelming affection that I wanted these people in my life and I wanted to be a part of theirs. The flushing, the heart palpitations, the burst of happiness, the whole shebang, it’s an affection rush hour. 

The first individual was at a time where I had no idea of aromanticism so I assumed it was a crush (but I did not want to do any romantic-coded actions with this person) and I could only view us in a heteronormative lens. However, in hindsight I know it is not romantic love but I still have these tidal waves of strong affection from time to time [ even though I have not seen this person in almost 7 years] and know if I saw this person again I would have the same emotions. 

The second individual was when I knew I was aromantic and getting to know this person made me question myself a lot and began to ID as aroflux at the time (which did accurately reflect my feelings for that time period, and I am in no way saying anything against aroflux as an ID, it is a very valid ID). This person is a long distance away from me so I typically feel these bouts of emotions when we text. However, we met in person again and I was able to confirm I do not feel any romantic feelings towards this person and prefer our awesome friendship to anything else. 

I think the main thing is while I feel these intense waves of affection, I am most comfortable, content, and happy on my own and with my independence. So when I think of these two people it's more like wow I feel love for them but not like I am in love with them. Friendship is highly prized to me and I do not take it lightly so the line between what others think is romantic vs platonic is often blurred to me.

So my question, I guess, is: Are there other aros out there that have this overwhelming love and affection for other people that isn’t romantic?

I would appreciate any experiences/insight you all have.

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I feel very much this way for my current best friend, who I have been questioning if I might be slightly in love with. I just feel like she gets me more than anyone else, and we're often physically affectionate. I feel like I really want her to always be a part of my life, and I'm still in regular phone contact with her but actually getting to see her in person is the thing I miss most about the whole world not being shut down. So you're definitely not the only one of us to feel like that.

Edited by DavidMS703
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Yes, I have felt this way for some people, and have questioned whether I was alloromantic as a result. But I realized that I prefer to be friends with those people rather than anything else, so have opted to go with (grey) aromantic as a label.

4 hours ago, BuffOreo said:

So when I think of these two people it's more like wow I feel love for them but not like I am in love with them. Friendship is highly prized to me and I do not take it lightly so the line between what others think is romantic vs platonic is often blurred to me.

The “love for them” vs. “in love with them” is a wonderful way to phrase it.

Personally I have also adopted the quoiromantic label for this (to say that “romantic attraction” is not a personally useful concept, considering the flushing, heart palpitations, etc. combined with no desire to actually do romance; I cannot reply yes or no to the question “do you experience romantic attraction?”), and say that I have felt alterous attraction (attraction that is neither wholly platonic or romantic, attraction outside the romantic/platonic binary). Of course the labels are not necessary, and such an experience is compatible with the view of such an attraction as wholly platonic/does not require a rejection of the concept of romantic attraction, but this is just how I have navigated naming my romantic orientation & related attractions.

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  • 4 weeks later...

i experience strong platonic attraction/love.  for squishes, it's kind of similar to how i've heard crushes described, in that i'm excited to be around them and think about them a lot.  no butterflies, just like, 'cool!  there they are!'  for my best friend of 15 years, it's this wonderful, comfortable, peaceful love, like i know it'll last forever.  but it also overwhelms me sometimes just to feel how strong it is.  and yeah, i value friendship very highly too.  i can't quite tell how your experiences compare, but they do sound like some sort of platonic love.

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