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Codifer

Confused...

Question

I dont know if im aro or not. I never really thought so but recently ive been unsure. I like people for their ohysical look and then their personalities. Sometimes just look. I dont know if i would want a relationship. Im perfectly happy with my friendships. I want kids but im not sure jf i want to marry. I have liked people enough to want to date them. I might want to marry one day. I used tk think aro was impossible for me to be but i dont know. So from a confused guy- do you think i could fall in the spectrum?

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You definitely *could*, but we can't tell you if it's the case. I would say, if you're wondering about something like this there's probably something that's sparked that wondering, so I would advise you to look into it a little. Specifically since you mention liking people on some level, but being 'confused', you might want to look into identities under the grey aro umbrella? (demi, grey, lith etc.) Though it could also just be that you find some people nice to look at. That can be the case even if you're aro. Depending on whether you know your sexual orientation or not you may want to look into that too, since it will be easier to pinpoint what it is that you like about people if you can narrow down a bit what other attractions you do and don't feel. 

 

Liking people for their physical appearance could be attributed to sexual attraction. So if you know your sexual orientation you might realise that your feeling of being drawn to physical appearance can be attributed to sexual attraction, or you might realise it's very separate, or doesn't feel like an attraction at all, or that it happens outside of the genders you're sexually attracted to etc. etc. Basically it's a starting point.

 

(For me, a lot of my 'crushes' on' people were jealously stemming from gender dysphoria. Don't have the info to know if that's the case for you, but it's an example of the weird places supposed attractions can come from)

 

Also! know that wanting to get married, have a life partnership, have kids and so on doesn't mean you can't be aro. Being aro is purely about lack of romantic attraction, not lack of the things that our society sees as coming along with romantic relationships. For some people they feel that their not wanting kids is tied up in aromanticism, so you might see people talking about things that way, but there are aros who do want them.

 

Reading aromantic people's blogs, social media posts and the such that explain their feelings and journeys in their own words was one of the things that helped me most when questioning, as it's easier to see if you relate to experiences than just a definition. You can find a lot of us on here over at tumblr, and of course reading through the forum could help too.

 

I actually made a post of aro experiences aimed at questioning people a while back, and it had a lot of additions, so it's become a good masterpost. You can find one version here, and another here

 

Good luck, and please ask more questions if you need to.

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You certainly could be - anyone could be!

 

It sounds like you've started doing some good thinking on this. I would look at asking yourself:

 

Why did you feel like aro was not something at all open to you? What's changed? Is there possibly still confusion here that we could help clear up for you?

 

Do you want to ID as aro(spec)? Are you curious about doing so? How does it make you feel to think that you might ID as aro(spec)?

 

Any answers along the lines of "I want to ID as aro" or "I think I might want to try ID'ing as aro" or "I think aro might fit me" or "I identify with a lot of other aro experiences I've seen talked about" or "Even though I'm scared, it gives me some sort of positive feeling to think about ID'ing as aro" are a good sign that you should let yourself ID as aro and explore what that could mean to you and how it makes you feel after you've had time to try it on!

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On 3/6/2020 at 6:41 PM, arokaladin said:

Liking people for their physical appearance could be attributed to sexual attraction. So if you know your sexual orientation you might realise that your feeling of being drawn to physical appearance can be attributed to sexual attraction, or you might realise it's very separate, or doesn't feel like an attraction at all, or that it happens outside of the genders you're sexually attracted to etc. etc. Basically it's a starting point.

 

(For me, a lot of my 'crushes' on' people were jealously stemming from gender dysphoria. Don't have the info to know if that's the case for you, but it's an example of the weird places supposed attractions can come from)

I am a trans male- never thought about crushes coming from jealousy, i guess ill start thinking about that too.

Im bi- maybe, thats another thing. I like girls, not often. If i like a girl its usually off of personality because i find men more attractive physically. Personality is hella important in both but in girls its usually what i base a 'like' out of. And along with that- ive never had sexual feelings towards females. 
ah the world of questioning yourself- you think you are done and figured out but then life decides to screw with you:)

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