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Discussing Your Aromanticism to Allo Folks


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This is something I've always had trouble with. Especially with folks who aren't a part of the LGBTQ+ community in any facet, it's something very hard for the people I've mentioned it to to grasp. The only person I've been able to confidentially speak my aromanticism to would be my sister, who's about as cool as they come ally-wise. I haven't had any luck finding a decent strategy to explain it, so I was wondering if anyone else has had luck in explaining themselves in a concise way to folks who ask.


As a disclaimer: no, we don't owe anyone an explanation. We just, are, and people can't tell us we're not. We don't need to explain ourselves, but I'd like to try should it come up.


Though often when people are eager to learn and just a simple "oh I'm aro" doesn't suffice, I'm trying to find a way to explain that I don't feel romantic attraction and no, it's just not just Not Wanting To Date People. If anyone has any experience in this, I'd love to hear stories, no matter who specifically you're explaining it to.

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I havent had much experience trying to explain it to someone not part of the LGBT+ community in some aspect but usually before i try to explain it at all i ask if they know what aromantic means. Ive only ever had one person fully know (cuz they had researched the community when they thought they might be aro) but most often i encounter people that say "sort of. isnt it like-" and then theyll give whatever half definition they have. I like doing it this way cuz its generally less work in that they have a vague understanding and then you can be like yeah thats sort of right and then add a bit of info to clear up their definition. It can also sometimes turn into an interesting convo where they might ask a few questions to get a clearer understanding and i might explain some of my personal experiences/feelings/views on things in relation to my aromanticism.

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I have a lot of trouble with this too. I usually just say "I don't get crushes" or "I'm not really into romance". The second answer gets tricky though cus a lot of allo folks interpret that as not liking big romantic actions as apposed to not liking romance generally.


I've also tried saying "I don't really date" but a lot of straight allo women in praticular interpret that more as me just being tired of dating men which like... idk there's a lot of assumptions to unpack there

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