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Cake-Loving Dragon

Sensual attraction? Please halp!

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Please help me, I'm freaking out and I don't like questioning myself...

I'm aro/ace. I used to think I might be lesbian, but I don't anymore.

Here's my problem: it feels like I'm too sensually attracted to females.

 

I don't like touching boys, except I'll hug or something if I'm extremely comfortable with them. I'm repulsed by the thought of kissing, holding hands, cuddling, or having sex with a male.

 

With girls, it's different. I would hug a girl. I'm usually fine with holding hands with a girl. The thing is, I sometimes want to know what it's like to kiss a girl. And when I hold hands with a girl, I find myself hoping they love me. By "love," I think I mean platonic. Maybe I just want a sense of safety and security; touch does that for me. It's probably just that I'm touch-deprived and not comfortable enough around boys to bond with them.

 

I just.. I guess touch is something that makes me feel secure, and I'm worried that without a romantic partner, I'll never get that. I know you can get touch from a friend, but I'm afraid that when I am older (I'm 14) and my friends get into relationships, they'll want to reserve that for their partner. I do have an ace friend, but she's not crazy about touch. Platonic love and sensual attraction are what draw me to the idea of a QPR, but I don't feel that strongly about anyone. I like friends much better, but I guess "friends" means more to me than it does to other people.

 

I guess I'm just scared. Touch deprivation makes me feel lonely.

I don't even know what my question is, honestly. I can't think straight enough at the moment to edit this, sorry if it doesn't make sense. But, if you read this and respond, thank you. :)

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Hello,

Yes, sensual attraction can be a whole other entity from sexual and romantic, for me it is certainly present sometimes. It is all very complicated, and in your teen years your hormones do drive things a bit differently that they will do for the rest of your life. Just know you certainly aren't alone and that sensual attraction doesn't necessarily effect you being ace/aro, unless you are like me when it does. 

I'm not very helpful or reassuring am I? Sorry! :) 

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I sort of understand your problem, I'm in a relatively similar situation. I'm glad you've figured out your romantic orientation, that's a step forward from where I am lol. But I get what you mean about touch deprivation. If your idea of a QPR situation that fits you is a close friend who keeps you from feeling touch deprivation, then that's great. If you're not ready for that, maybe find a few friends who you can be a little bit touchy with, just a friend or two who you can hug sometimes. And you don't have to feel lonely. The more comfortable you become with your identity the more you might understand what love means to you and who you can share that with. I hope this a little bit helpful :aroicecream:

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@Apathetic Echidna, thank you so much! That helps me feel much better. You're right, I often forget that a lot of my emotional moments are just caused by hormones. And it really helps to know I'm not alone in experiencing sensual attraction. :)

 

@Chibi Sam Winchester, thanks for the reassurance. You're right, as long as my friends are okay with it, there's no reason we can't be a little touchy. I think it'll help so that I don't get to the point where I feel deprived. You definitely made me feel less lonely <3. I hope you can find your romantic orientation, if any, that makes the most sense for you. (If you ever want help with that, or to talk in general, I'm here).

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