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Yet another hello post

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*Waves shyly* Hello there ?

(Very rambling, un-thought-out post to follow, sorry)


I've known I'm very asexual for most of a year, nothing really against it being around me, but absolutely nobody home physically or mentally.


I always assumed I was alloromantic though... Because hey, I would happily watch "romance" movies, so long as there's plot and no sex or established relationships (because those are boring), I definitely read "romance" fanfics. (Kirk/Spock, anyone?)... But again, no sex or established relationships... They just don't get me... I like the buildup before a relationship, people getting to really know and understand each other, creating a true bond. Kinda loses me when they "get together" and act like it. Funny how I assumed that meant I was into romantic relationships.


I always reasoned my way out of why I was the one to leave any relationships I was in. "I'm just too busy." "I'm moving away." "Well, there's this other interesting person." "They need someone more sexual."


Recently, I met someone literally perfect. Didn't have any issue with my job or lack of sexual interest, funny, sweet, peaceful, and I'd describe being around them akin to lying in sheltered sunshine, just so much quiet warmth


Because, well, I guess we're raised to believe romance is what happens when you find people like that, I rather dumbly agreed to a relationship with them. At which point, all of a sudden my same old issues were back. Why was I such an "Ice Queen"? Why was it that I just didn't care enough to do the things they wanted to do? Why was I avoiding being around them now? Why could I just never care enough?!


So... I had enough experience from past instances to leave before they got any more attached, although it already hurt them a lot. And since then, I've been doing a fair bit of self-discovery, working out that relationships have always been the only thing in my life to create depressed periods, and that really, my "crushes" have always been about wanting to be important to someone, not anything to do with romance.


And yeah, I wound up here.


So anyway, that's me, coming to wander around your beautiful forum to read what people say and actually for once feel like I actually understand people. Don't mind me.


Hi! ❄️

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Hi fellow Trekkie! :) A huge welcome to you. Have some aro ice cream: :aroicecream:


What you've said is very very relateable. I never thought about it until now but I think I'm very similar with regards to liking relationship building a lot but not liking established relationships that often. The latter are often portrayed as repetitive and end-goal with no development during the relationship and I find that boring and/or annoying.

I'm glad you've found a space (and a word!) that has made you feel more comfortable.

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The ice cream looks amazing! I need to make that someday.


It's actually really amazing to hear you understand that - I thought I'd be all alone! Makes me feel good ^.^


I'm glad to have found it too, and I think I'm going to really like being here. The space and the word. :)

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