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Questioning Romantic Orientation


bri53
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I'm question whether I'm on the aromatic spectrum. Here's some background information

1. I've had a romantic relationship in the past and was in love with the person

2. I have not been romantically attracted to anyone since that person. I had a "romantic" relationship with a second person for a few months but wasn't romantically attracted to them.

 

My idea of a relationship is being close with someone emotionally, who you enjoy spending time with, and doing "romantic stuff" (kissing, cuddling, hand holding (I'm asexual)) with them but there's no romantic attraction on my end. Sort of like a non-sexual friends with benefits type situation. 

 

I've never really put thought into the fact that I might not be alloromantic. I haven't had the desire to seek out a relationship like most people my age would and I just always said it's because I'm too focused on school but in reality, I couldn't care less about being romantic with someone or dating them, there's no appeal to me. 

 

I never understood why people get so head over heels about wanting a relationship or having romantic moments with people. Romance just seems boring to me.

 

Any insight or tips? 

Thanks!

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Hi Bri. Looks like this is your first post here? Welcome to the forum. :icecream:

 

1 hour ago, bri53 said:

Any insight or tips? 

 

My tip is this: Remember that only you can really determine what it feels right to call yourself. It's no one else's place to tell you what you are or aren't. With that said, if you're looking for people with experiences and outlooks similar to yours -- not seeing what all the fuss is about, not experiencing much in the way of romantic feelings, not seeking out romantic relationships -- then these are certainly things that you will find among many members of the aro community. There's no one single way to be under the aromantic umbrella, of course, so not every aro will look just like you. That's just to say, if you're looking for that resonance, then I think you've come to the right place. Any of those reasons you named are plenty normal reasons that some people have for identifying with the aromantic spectrum.

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5 hours ago, bri53 said:

I'm question whether I'm on the aromatic spectrum. Here's some background information

1. I've had a romantic relationship in the past and was in love with the person

2. I have not been romantically attracted to anyone since that person. I had a "romantic" relationship with a second person for a few months but wasn't romantically attracted to them.

 

My idea of a relationship is being close with someone emotionally, who you enjoy spending time with, and doing "romantic stuff" (kissing, cuddling, hand holding (I'm asexual)) with them but there's no romantic attraction on my end. Sort of like a non-sexual friends with benefits type situation. 

 

I've never really put thought into the fact that I might not be alloromantic. I haven't had the desire to seek out a relationship like most people my age would and I just always said it's because I'm too focused on school but in reality, I couldn't care less about being romantic with someone or dating them, there's no appeal to me. 

 

I never understood why people get so head over heels about wanting a relationship or having romantic moments with people. Romance just seems boring to me.

 

Any insight or tips? 

Thanks! 

       Seems to me like your on the aromantic spectrum since you say you've been romantically attracted to someone before so you seem grayromantic or demiromantic but things can change, to me it sounds like you don't want any part in being romantic which sounds like your aromantic, but the romance spectrum consists of demiromantics, lithromantics, and many other romantic orientations so try to look more into it or ask more opinions. You dont have to tho, for me I just kept being myself and when I found out about the aromantic spectrum I thought it was cool to have something to identify with but it didn't change much.

 

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57 minutes ago, Bri said:

 Seems to me like your on the aromantic spectrum since you say you've been romantically attracted to someone before so you seem grayromantic or demiromantic

 

Please don't do this. No one experience is the determiner of what someone is -- it's one thing to point out options someone might not have been aware of, but it's another thing to tell somebody what they "seem."

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11 hours ago, Coyote said:

 

Please don't do this. No one experience is the determiner of what someone is -- it's one thing to point out options someone might not have been aware of, but it's another thing to tell somebody what they "seem."

Ok sorry I can see what your getting at I'll be more careful. I didn't mean to push bri53 into any romantic orientation. I hope I at least offered some feedback.

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Hi bri53, parts of you experience sound similar to what I've heard other aros/aro-spec people say (the aromantic spectrum being things closer to aromanticism than not, for example demiromantic or greyromantic). I myself relate to finding romance boring/not worth chasing after.

I'd recommend spending some more time around forums like this and seeing what else aromantics have to say and see if this community feels "right". And if it does, welcome! And if it doesn't, we wish you the best as you continue figuring things out. 

It may also help to find out how alloromantics would describe their romantic attractions? I don't have any ideas for resources like that but I imagine there's a lot of "How To Know If You've Found ~The One~" kind of articles out there. 

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