Confused

[Crowbird]

Hello, I just recently joined like five seconds ago. I was having a conversation with my friend about stuff and doing some research I came across the term Aromantic and looking into it just... Clicked and I almost cried. But I'm still so confused and after doing some research I'm still confused so is it okay if I ask some questions here? Different articles have different opinions and go back and forth so I don't know where I really fit. 

 

So I always wanted a relationship or appreciated relationships in the past but when I got into one I felt.. trapped, and terrified. The thought of giving my space away to someone, or touching, kissing, whatever just made me I'll to my stomach. So I ended them quickly but I still searched for them for a need to connect with someone, but without all the kissing and everything else. I also don't think I've actually really loved someone minus my dog. Even parents, I just felt I was missing something, or just wrong. I just feel I'm missing a connection with someone I guess, lost is the word but the thought of getting in a relationship terrifies me and makes me ill. 

 

I never was one for touching and hugging, pda to me has always been gross, and I've never really been attracted to anyone. I like both guys and girls equally, but never really sexually. Any time I've done something it's only been with really close friends, and in the end I never felt what I think love should feel? Nor did I really wanna spend a lot of time with them after. I need to go and spend time in my room to recharge. 

 

Am I Aromantic? Or am I just something else? Sorry if this is all jumbled and confused. I have been reading the threads here but I'm still not sure where I stand in this. 

 

[DaviM703]

It sounds to me like you're aromantic and asexual. The definition of both is about not having a type of attraction, which matches what you say about not being attracted to anyone. Touch aversion is a separate thing but a fair number of aro-aces are that too.

[Neir]

Welcome!  You're definitely in the right place to ask questions.

 

David has a point with touch aversion and that sounds like something you might look into. People who are touch averse are not comfortable with certain forms of touch (sometimes with certain people and sometimes with everyone).

 

You also say you've never been attracted to anyone, especially not sexually. That does sound like aromantic and asexual! I should mention that being aromantic is really only about your experiences of attraction. You can still date or have significant relationships (like QPRs - Queerplatonic Relationships) if you would like to have a companion; your attraction and your actions are entirely separate things. Just like how people who experience romantic attraction to someone will decide not to date them, people who don't experience romantic attraction can decide to date someone. QPRs are especially cool relationships, because the people within them define their relationship boundaries however they want. Regardless of what kind of relationship you're in, communicating what you and your partner(s) want and what your boundaries are regarding touch, how often you see each others, and et cetera is an important and helpful step.

There are many identities under the aromantic umbrella, and we have a list here on the Forums in the Welcome category. Looking through the definitions might be helpful for you.

[Coyote]

I'm in the Sciatrix camp in saying that no one can tell for sure what anyone else "is" when it comes to these things. That's a journey we all have to embark on ourselves, because a label given to you by someone else can be taken away by someone else, but a label you choose for yourself is your own.

 

With that said, welcome to the questioning process. Have some ice cream and cake.

 

Personally, the thing that's helped me most isn't so much looking at lists of definitions (some of 'em in a lot of glossaries are wrong anyway) but more reading people's different stories and discussions. I'm not sure of a good place to point you to for that on aro stuff (besides this whole forum), but the Carnival of Aros did get launched recently, which could be a promising start. And the Carnival of Aces has been running for much longer.

 

Whatever resolution you end up coming to (if any) -- your relationship boundaries and personal touch boundaries are legitimate and deserve to be respected. You don't need to date or partner with anybody, period. Okay? People will tell you otherwise, but they're not always looking out for you.