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Apathy and Aromanticism.


sunny
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i'm unsure if it's a sign of the times, something just being seriously wrong with me, or any number of factors buzzing around in my brain, but i've sort of lost touch with my passions over the course of the past few weeks in particular. i feel like, in embracing this side of my identity, i have gained a degree of apathy or, repulsion toward other people. but i love other people. i love my friends, i love my family. but currently the thought of even being cared for, by people who i love and care for, makes me uncomfortable. i've always been the caretaker. i've always been empathetic and feel and worry and care for my friends. i try to help where i can. that's how i've always been, but lately not focusing on myself is almost too easy. i'm starting not to feel anything, just a heavy detachment from where i am and what i'm doing. and it's scaring me a lot.

 

maybe it's just a coincidence. but i've found that in my acceptance of this aromantic side of me, i've lost one of my closest connections with other people: feeling like i actually connect with them like they can connect with me.

 

it's just really isolating. and i was wondering if anyone had grounding tips, ways to still feel connected to people despite lacking... that certain jenesaisquoi. thanks.

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Feeling detached and losing interest and enjoyment in things that have always been fun/important to you is a classic symptom of depression - if this has been a consistent thing for many weeks then it's worth getting that checked out with a doctor. 

 

That said, assuming most of your existing relationships with other people are NOT romantic... why should being aromantic mean those relationships have to change? You can still connect to them in exactly the ways you have in the past, and they can still connect with you in exactly the ways they have in the past. 

 

Maybe think about some of your favourite activities to do with friends, and see if you can organise to do some of those to remind yourself of why you enjoy them, and enjoy doing them with other people? 

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15 hours ago, eatingcroutons said:

Feeling detached and losing interest and enjoyment in things that have always been fun/important to you is a classic symptom of depression - if this has been a consistent thing for many weeks then it's worth getting that checked out with a doctor. 

 

That said, assuming most of your existing relationships with other people are NOT romantic... why should being aromantic mean those relationships have to change? You can still connect to them in exactly the ways you have in the past, and they can still connect with you in exactly the ways they have in the past. 

 

Maybe think about some of your favourite activities to do with friends, and see if you can organise to do some of those to remind yourself of why you enjoy them, and enjoy doing them with other people? 

 

I'm aware of the signs, and I appreciate the concern. It's something I'll lean into if it persists. This is the real only major change occurring in my life at the moment. Just the correlation is really succinct to me? Just I began to accept this part of me, and my emotions just sort of plummeted. I experienced such immense relief (even with tension around the family, until they came around, tmi I suppose) when I came out as trans to my family. When it's come to accepting myself, there's always been this degree of "oh thank god" because I'm acting on how I want to live. 

 

It's just come as a big surprise, how I've responded to even attempting to feel better about myself. The disconnect I'm getting via loved ones is a little more complex I suppose? I've spent a long time trying to relate to people talking about their relationships and crushes and their sexcapades. That's not the singular way I am connecting to them, sure, but suddenly there's this feeling of being... almost two steps further from them. There's this brand new disconnect as not feeling in line with the rest. These things don't matter in friendships and family, I know, but every time they talk about romantic love I'm left just, unable to pretend like I get it anymore. I thought they were like me, you know? And suddenly I'm not like them. There shouldn't be an "us" and "them" but for simplicity's sake and trying to pick apart myself, I think that's how I ought to put it.

 

Even so, thanks for hearing me out and replying. Voicing it helps. I'll try to do those things in the future.

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