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I think I made a terrible mistake


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Hi,

So I'm new here and I've been struggling with my romantic / sexual identities for quite a while at this point. I'm now in college and I've wondered about being asexual since like beginning of high school and was pretty confident it was true. But even as a kid I've never had a crush, and I had to deal with those "who's your crush" conversations where people would think I'm lying when I said no one. Then as I got older it became more prevalent but i always liked romance movies and the idea of romance and I thought that one day I was going to have a romance probably. But I never really got into the detail of that. And as years went by, I still have never had a crush. I think I've had very intense squishes; those were purely platonic but very stressful. But basically I never thought about dating people or having sex, while I didn't care if other people did it, the idea made me incredibly uncomfortable for myself. But I never wanted to admit the possibility that I could be aromantic, because I thought it meant I would be alone. But now I have such wonderful good friends to rely on and I've realized that simply isn't true. But I did make a mistake because recently I became overwhelmed with being complimented a LOT and ended up going on a date with a lovely, very sweet, funny guy. And I don't think I felt any romantic attraction. Was it a great time? Yeah! Do I want to hang out with him again sometime? Sure! But I feel like it was much more platonic for me and I felt terrible about it because it is obvious how much he likes me and I want to try again to make sure but I need to let him know soon. I just am hoping that maybe I'll get attraction because he's so sweet but I don't think I will. Do you think I'm aromantic from what I've said because if so I definitely have to stop sooner than later because it's not fair to him. And also I really just feel like aro-ace really sounds like how I feel but I don't know if I should warn him about that now or wait longer. We really have only gone on one date so I was hoping that maybe I would change, but I really don't feel like I will so I don't know!! Agh

(Also not positive this was the right forum for this because it's kind of like a mix between what am i and relationship so like sorry if this is the wrong place I tried)

Thanks :)

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Hello and Welcome to Arocalypse! Based on what you've said, I would definitely say you're aromantic. Before I figured out I was aromantic, I always told myself that I'd find that special someone in college or after college and that now wasn't the right time. However, I now know that I was just stalling with those far out deadlines. It's perfectly normal to be aromantic but like romance movies. Some aromantics like reading romance novels, and hearing about other people's relationships while other aromantics don't. I personally don't like romance movies (I'm romance repulsed) but I know there's many aros that do. After all it's not about the concept of romance, but about whether or not you feel romantic attraction towards other people. I think you should probably tell this guy sooner than later because the longer you wait, the more harm that could be caused. Just explain to him, how you've always felt about dating. It might be hard for him to understand but if he's a good dude, he'll respect you for it. 🙂

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