Kat Posted March 9, 2018 Share Posted March 9, 2018 Hey guys, Recently, I started wondering about my romantic orientation and I hope you will help me. I just want to add that I'm certainly not an asexual. My interest in romance was never... anything more than casual, as in I wanted to be in a relationship since everyone acts like it's the best thing ever but pursued a relationship only 3 times. The first one was when I was 22 because until then I was busy with school and didn't have time to date or to bother with my sexual orientation. The first two times lasted just a month and I was genuinely happy when it was over. It was very nerve wracking for me, constantly wondering what I was supposed to do at that specific point. In the end I broke up with them because we had very little in common and it seemed pointless to date them. I'm in my 3rd relationship now and while the girl is really cute and sweet, it seems like... she feels more in the relationship than I do and that kind of scares me. We have a lot in common, she's funny and really hot. But the PDA weirds me out (maybe because we're a same-sex couple). She seems very eager to cuddle, kiss, hold hands and stuff. I just really want to grope her. I also noticed that my touches are more of sexual nature (waist, butt, legs, lips) and it feels odd touching her in any other way (though, I dislike touching people normally so this is still an upgrade). She also constantly goes on and on about how she's worried that someone else will steal me and stuff but I've never been jealous, in general. She's not the "nagging" girlfriend who would constantly ask who I was with, she's very positive whenever I talk about my female friends. This just makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong but I don't feel like something is "missing" as many people put it when there is no romantic attraction to someone. I like hanging out with her and want to continue the relationship I just want to figure out where I'm at before I talk to her, I don't want to risk hurting her feelings unless necessary nor I want to risk us breaking up. As for crushes, I'm not sure if I ever had any. I realised that I confuse "crush" with admiration. Like, I get the feeling of being "attracted" to someone I admire (regardless of gender) but if I don't find them attractive I would never ever date them or do anything intimate. It probably doesn't make any sense and it confuses me too. In any case, I'm not sure how were these 2 crushes (admiration + physical attraction) actually crushes as I never had the traditional symptoms of feeling nervous, butterflies, blushing, whatnot that people usually associate with crushes (and it seriously sounds like they need medical help). I just found them hot and well established women (in both cases they mastered something I was learning). Though, usually I found this admiration for both sexes and then it boils down to: "Am I attracted to him/her or not? (S)He is not hot, so nah." Romance in media never interested me, quite the opposite, I find it very annoying and I usually skip over any scene that involves it. People just act so irrational and outright stupid often for no reason and usually don't even have anything in common. It completely escapes me how anyone could date a person with whom they have nothing in common with like Penny and Leonard from TBBT. I also never understood the "(s)he hurt me but I'm staying with her/him because I love him/her" it sounds like an excuse and a dumb one. As for relationships, my ideal one would be something like exclusive friends with benefits with very limited touching aside from sex. What are your thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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