Ted guy

I wanted to do this post over with better details and explain in better details. I have a job that enables me to meet a lot of new people. When i meet a new girl and look at her, she is interpreting it differently than I expect. Every time I'm around her, she will try more and more to get close to me. She will stare for me to catch her looking at my eyes......then she smiles. It's just obvious green light to break the ice (dating is extremely loose where I come from) The same girls will keep doing it. ---------------------------------- The same thing happened a week or two ago, and the girl literally jumped and got excited. She came towards me and tried to engage with me, but I got away. Now when I see her, she is trying to get my attention (where as before, we would just walk past each other) IT FLABBERGASTS ME The whole point is....NON-AROS HAVE A MUCH DIFFERENT PERCEPTION ON NON-VERBAL CUES AND DATING From my experience, eye contact appears to be powerful ------------------- When someone looks at me, I always interpret they just want to chat, ask a question, or figure something out, etc. But non-aro people seem to have a different perception that makes me uncomfortable. I'm worried it could turn into something ugly. Like imagine a scenario where they thought i was being creepy, they tell their boyfriend and I get confronted aggressively. ETC. I am insecure about it, and that was the reason I got highly offended on my last post where someone was answering in a way that makes me look creepy (I'm sorry for this). Has anyone ever encountered this problem? Different perceptions, etc?

I did get married to a very beautiful woman. I don't plan on telling my wife I'm aro, because I think it would hurt her that I can't experience real emotions towards her. However, I'm relatively happy in my marriage and I'm satisfied with my sex life mostly. However she gets annoyed that I don't pay much attention to her, and she seems to notice with romance that I'm going through the motions, but its fake.

Don't get me wrong. Platonic love is awesome But sometimes I'll be driving and thinking how most times I look at relationships as just getting my sexual endeavors over with. There is no emotion behind it, or the other person. I'm married but I don't feel much. Then I'll think to myself, "Wow....that sounds so evil". I was sitting down one night thinking to myself about how a beautiful girl I turned down in high school who had real intense feelings for me. I didn't realize how she felt until I learnt of my aromance. We would talk on MSN for hours and she really liked me, but when she moved to my school I totally ignored her and it really hurt her. I knew she liked me, but I didn't know there was anything to how she felt. My brain doesn't have that wiring to understand it. Now I feel so bad about that stuff, I cried one night about it.

Starring is something that baffles me 90% of the time I stare at someone, it's because I want to socialize with them, or ask a question. Other times I will be observing something. --------------------------- But here is the part that really confuses me They seem to interpret my stare as "HEY, HE IS TELLING ME HE LIKES ME (IN AN ATTRACTION WAY). After this, the person will begin starring at me in the following days (when before they didn't). Or they will be trying to get my attention. They seem interested. ---------------- I've also noticed when they stare and toss in a smile, they are trying to get me to introduce myself. It's a green light. Again, I don't really understand it. It almost tells me I can date anyone I want. In my mind, only a few people should be interested in me. It's weird to me.

I've suspected my aromantic feelings were distorted by my over-affectionate parents. My grandfather wasn't affectionate to my dad, so he tried to make up for it by being super affectionate. It went on to the point I was 14 and he was still crying to hug and kiss me like a baby, and I found it deeply disturbing. After that I remember distinctly I stopped finding girls as attractive I ended up in therapy for it. It no longer bothers me, but I believe it played a major factor.

Well, I don't know if my crush feelings are like how others experience. My romantic range is also limited. However, to answer your question. Emotionally, it feels exciting thinking of that person. Feelings of excitement and wanting to be around them come up. It feels intriguing and mysterious to see if you can connect with that person and have a mutual love. If that person walks by me, I kind of get nervous and want to show off. I'll be thinking about that person a lot. Obviously there are sexual feelings too. But unfortunately, as I said, my range is narrow and they usually don't last long. ----------------------------------- Maybe a better way to answer your question would be comparisons, similes, etc. It's like when you're a kid and you always wanted a cat. Your parents buy you a kitten. The kitten loves you back and this makes you happy. You go back to school the next day and you can't stop thinking about that cat. You want to see him and play with him. You're just feeling that rush. Emotionally that's what it feels like, but I also feel sexual attraction to the girl. But as I listed above, I get frustrated because these emotions aren't sustainable for me.

Ok (about not stating age). I'm presuming you're somewhere from 13 to 16 based on how you talk about your confusion. I didnt start figuring out myself until I was my early 20s, so I would just let it roll out if I were you. I've had a lot of female friends that had no interest for dating as early teens, but then in early 20s all over the place. It really switches. I didn't enjoy my teen years because there was such a lack of clarity for one reason.

Now that I realize I'm aromantic, I've learnt the hard way 2 things I shouldn't do. 1. BE CAREFUL ABOUT BEING NICE!!! Consequence: It can cause the people to get suspicious, or the recipient to become attracted to you. At my job I ended up getting in trouble because people were suspicious why I was being nice to a group of people. At the time I didn't have a freaking clue what I was in trouble for. I was confused for a year. I thought to myself "What? Do they think by giving things I'm trying to land in the bedroom with them?" This was one of the biggest things that led me to learn I was aromantic. -------------------- 2. DON'T STARE AT PEOPLE! Consequence: It makes them think you're giving the green light for a relationship or sex. This part I don't understand at all. When I look at people it's just because I'm trying to indicate I want to socialize. Or that I like their style that day, something complementary. This often time goes into another direction where they interpret that as some kind of romantic interest. It boggles my mind. I don't understand why they interpret it like that.

Well how old are you?

Yes I mean sexual attraction. ..........what? Lol Yes sexual attraction

When I feel attraction, it can only be explained by metaphors/images. It's incredibly complicated. ----------------------- It's like going to an art show as entertainment. You walk by interesting paintings, but you don't think much of them. Then all of a sudden, you find a piece of art that blows your mind!!! You think to yourself "Wow! This is amazing. Who created this? I would love to get to know them. Maybe I could see more of their work. After a while though (say 6 months of returning to art show), you get really tired of looking at that same picture over and over though. The initial feeling doesn't last. Plus you have no use for it in your house You decide to move on and find something else. ----------------------- That's how I feel in my life. I know a pair of sisters that their looks blow me away. I can't stop looking at them. But it doesn't mean I want them. A good simile could be "I'm like a fan". However, I do have a couple sexual fetishes, which is critical for my marriage survival. If it wasn't for the fetishes, I would find it incredibly hard to feel attraction at all. But that's a totally different story.

Yes! You and I are on the same page aboit that. I find people make horrible romantic decisions and I don't understand them. To me, you're picking the person you want to spend your life with. To me , its critical you find something that lines up perfectly. Because if you let anyone be that person, the odds are things will go bad!!!!!

My biggest difference is "love is very specific". People seem to pick partners at random. They ask them out, and it's usually yes unless they find them very unattractive. That's mind boggling to me. ------------- When I was growing up, I would turn down pretty girls. This led people constantly to claim I was gay. After I found out I was aromantic, I realized I had hurt a lot of girls' feelings (without knowing it). I feel bad now. They would think I was building a connection to them, but I really was just being nice. I didn't realize this made them feel a certain way. I have no comprehension for these emotions. I just feel bad now.

For the most part, I can't feel anything. I do feel a very complicated attraction to women, but it's more like an appreciation for their beauty. Like art. My wife is stunning beautiful, but her beauty doesn't induce emotions from me. Nor does sexual engagements. However, I have platonic love which means I deeply desire to faithfully nurture her and her to look up to me as her Romeo. Based on that, I show her romantic gestures. --------- With that said, I can't understand why people have such a wide selection for dating. If I stare at someone, often they will interpret that as interest and they will start opening communication and stare back to show mutual interest. This leaves me flabbergasted because I always assume people feel nothing for me (because that's how I feel towards everyone). I don't understand cheating or affection either. It's complete nonsense to me.