ApeironStella

So I finally got a psychologist appointment tomorrow but I still high key feel like I am just exaggerating stuff but... Is living your life vicariously through fictional characters with really low concern on your own life unless in immediate danger and seeing human relations pointless unless you are talking about something you like/having trouble with talking anything but your interests and sometimes getting really obsessed with them count as normal/healthy? I... don't feel like I have any goals in life, really, for a long time by now haha. I can drown that sense of pointlessness by diving even further into a series or theory or whatever but it never disappears and I just... worry that I am making a fuss. I tried to explain that to my mother, who is p much really asocial herself as well as likely has some problems of her own, and she says that I could see one if I wanted to but really skeptical of it and??? I don't even fully trust my memory or my feelings tbh and the close friend who said that I most likely should see someone for stuff did say that I often act really self-depricating and have a pretty low self esteem, which rangs rather true. I just... I just don't know, haha. I at least don't think it is unipolar depression at any rate because I can be happy/feel a whole range of emotions if I focus on anything but myself, but there is maybe... something off? Idk.