ApeironStella
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I probably have something wrong with me... As it was brought up as I was talking to an old bestfriend, I really do have some... fixation problems. I just. Obsess over someone or something really bad at times and even people I normally do care about doesn't feel like they matter at those times. I still try to act normal to them but just. Barely tolerate them. And like. When I am out of that obsessing period, then I have a not caring about anything stage and kinda return back to normal but then feel hallow inside. It can be character, person I really admire, a story, a rp, a personality theory, anything. And that can be really bad for human interactions because I really don't care most of the time and feel like I am just faking it often times. Also, since I am still a human being I might end up talking with someone about what I was obsessing over too if they really like it too, which might lead to a randomly made friendship and since emotions there are INTENSE I don't even realize that we barely know anything about each other but feel pretty attached to each other by then and when my interest to topic cools down, there is often some messy friendship breaks.....any idea what the problem might be? Don't wanna go to see some professional help without at least some idea of what it might be?
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@omitef That's probably the case, actually? Not sure about if I am on somewhere on autism spec, but hyperfixation sounds a lot more likely. ADHD in general seems pretty likely, though I still feel like I am not "hyper" enough for it in both thought-speed wise or physically yet when I actually sit and think about it, it fits like a glove too? Especially how it shows in females+'had good grades and has fast processing/memorizing ability so even if she did not pay attention to class %90 of the time, no one really thought she had a problem'+Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is likely the reason why I so many times found myself thinking if I had a Borderline or Bipolar Disorder (it is apparently pretty easy to mix rapid cycling BPD and ADHD? And the one I thought I had was rapid cycling one too, though I realized that my instantenous mood changes weren't on their own, but always related to either a thought my brain led me to come to or someone's actions etc. Also hyper shame sensitivity when it comes to people you respect/are close to is a very real thing- as well as attachment problems. In general, ADHD seems to fit better, though I still have some problems with understanding social rules or appropiate emotional reactions, so yeah. I was researching after I wrote that, so I am sorry about really long reply---
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