Rolo

Autistic (specific diagnosis is aspergers syndrome) and I have social anxiety disorder and a history of depression.

I went through a period of that too back when I first figured it out. I love romance; I enjoy romantic films, I read loads of romance novels, I ship my favourite characters... Realising that these things I enjoy so much in fantasy are not going to be things I ever experience myself was a blow. The FOMO was strong, especially with a culture so steeped in this message that romantic love is the best thing is the world, the thing everyone is and should be aiming for, "It's better to have loved and lost that to never have loved at all" ? 

It took a little while, but I got over it. Pushing myself to try out relationships quickly made me realise that however much I loved reading about and imagining romantic relationships for other [fictional] people the reality of it made me miserable. I realised I was no more "missing out" by not falling in [romantic] love than I was "missing out" by not being a sports fan.

"Definitely not" to both.

I have no interest in getting married, and dislike the institution.

I've never wanted children, and while I adore my nephew and enjoy babysitting him, the experience has convinced me I would be a terrible mother even if I did want kids. Looking after and spoiling a child for a few hours is great, but having them full time and being responsible for how the turn out? No thanks!

ah-row-kah-lips

As in arrow (see the arrows in the shield in the top left corner) and apocalypse.

3 hours ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Hi! I'm fairly new here, it's exciting to see someone who's more used to the community and the label. Hope to see you around the forum!

Thanks  See you around.

1 hour ago, Shizvnc said:

This maybe sounds stupid, but does the desire to kiss someone determine your romantic orientation?

No. Kissing is romantic-coded in western cultures (there are some cultures which do not do romantic-sexual kisses at all), but it is not innately romantic. It is possible to want to kiss people in a non-romantic way, and it is possible to have no interest in kissing even when romantic feelings are present.

Get a better psychologist and put real effort into the therapy, it's hard but will make life so much better.

Do the things you are frightened of, don't let anxiety hold you back. 

Care less what other people think of you, their opinions really don't matter and most probably have barely even noticed your existence anyway.

Buy bitcoin.

I'm atheist, born and raised. I don't think it had any effect on my experience of aromanticism, except perhaps having benefited from the lack of religious hangups about orientations and what is allowed or expected.

1 hour ago, GhostyPeppers said:

Hello! Welcome (back)! Glad to have you here!

Thank you  

As Jedi said above, I find keeping it honest and casual is the most effect method, and never use words like "never", people will take that as a challenge.

"I'm single at the moment, and I'm not looking to change that" "No I'm not in a relationship, and I'm not looking for one right now" "I'm very happily single at the moment" "A date? No thanks, my cat would be jealous."

Alone, forever and always. Except for my cat of course ? I've done the housemates thing a few times and never again.

I have worried about loneliness/building friendships, not so much due to being aromantic, but due to being a socially anxious adult who has moved around a lot over the years. It's hard to maintain friendships when moving from country to country every year. It was the main reason I chose to settle in the UK. For all I loved travelling, I wanted to be able to form some really close friendships and put down roots with them.

What I've learnt is that thinking about the future (what will happen when they get married, have kids etc.) is pointless, it just gets in the way of enjoying your relationships now. Some friends drift apart without big life events to get in the way, simply because everyone changes over time, that's just how life works. The same is true for romantic relationships. I wouldn't still be friends with the people I new at 20 even if I did still live in the same country as them, simply because at 30 I am a different person, with different interests and values. The friends I have now, who I have closer relationships with than I could have ever imagined 10 years ago, I wouldn't have wasted 10 minutes on when I was 20. Practicing Relationship Anarchy has taken away a lot of my concerns about being abandoned for a girl/boyfriend and the need define and overthink my relationships.

Make friends, enjoy their company, love them without expectation, and be prepared to let them go if that time ever comes.

On a more practical note, I made my friends in 2 ways, via Meetup.com (especially a meetup group for people with mental illness, there's no one more understanding of social anxiety than other people with social anxiety), and via munches.

11 hours ago, kernsing said:

I've heard of "anattractional" before. Definitions that come up in Google include "not feeling attraction" (which sounds like it encompasses platonic, alterous, etc. attractions too) and "not feeling attraction on one or more axes" (which is broader than "not feeling romantic AND sexual attraction"). So not sure if this is a word that fits your criteria, but it's there.

I read that as "analtractional" which sound like a unique kink ?

On 8/7/2020 at 12:17 AM, Stoneandglass said:

That thread on aven turned into another thread where people discussed the idea of aroaces retaking the word ”spinster”. 

I saw that thread too, I'm rather dubious about "reclaiming" a "slur" which was never aimed at us to begin with. I would probably be called a spinster if this was 1800 (ignoring the fact that I wouldn't have any choice but to marry), but... it's not.

Hi there! 

I'm Rolo, an aromantic asexual woman in my 30s. I used to have a profile on here many years ago when the forum was a lot less fancy looking, and have long since forgotten all my log in details and got rid of my old email so I am starting anew. I was reminded of the existence of this forum when google brought up a thread on relationship anarchy (which I practice) and aromanticism, and thought I might as well stop by and see how the aro community has changed over the years. I'm looking forward to chatting with you all