Rolo

When I was 24 or 25, don't remember exactly.

I've always been very open about not being interested in dating (since before I discovered the term aromantic) and they're fine with it, don't seem to care all that much really. I've never bothered using the label aromantic (or asexual) with them because I don't think they need to know the labels so long as they know not to expect me to bring home a boy/girlfriend.

I feel like I'm even more connected to the place I live as a single person than I would be if i was in a relationship. If I wanted to move and was in a couple then I might be able to persuade my partner to move with me and have that companionship and support in that new place, but as it is I have half a dozen close friends who I can't bare to move away from. The "independent and don't need anyone" was sort of true for me when I was younger, there was the better part of a decade where I didn't spend more than 18 months in one country, but in the end it was the need for companionship and deep connections that made me settle down.

I've never really thought about it before but now I do I don't really like the "strong, independent" narrative. I'm sure it's true for some singles, but why shouldn't it also be true for coupled/poly people? And why should single people have to be strong and independent? Everyone should have a community to rely on, and it's a tragedy how many people, especially the elderly, end up terribly isolated when they lose their partner for one reason or another.

To be honest society never made me believe that. I new plenty of adults who weren't married when I was a child, and my aunt was always quite vocal about how she was never having children.  I remember asking my mum when I was about 8 why people get married (we had attended a wedding at it was very boring and seemed pointless) and she told me something along the lines of "it used to be expected when your dad and I were younger, but now people just do it because they have weird religious beliefs or for tax purposes". Having been raised atheist and not having a clue what "tax purposes" meant I therefor assumed I would never get married.

It was engraved in my brain that my goal in life should be and only be to get a PhD and be generally clever and successful.

I love a good romantic story, and I ship fictional characters who aren't in canon relationships. 

Well I have not had anyone tell me to "be normal"  since I was about 14, and I would never choose to interact with people to whom "being normal" is important. I am very weird in several ways and I am totally fine with that. I have found many of my current friends via shared weirdness.

I have never felt even the remotest need to "come out". I don't see how my orientation is anyone's business but my own, and it's not something that really comes up in conversation. It's not like my not having sex or being romantic in any way interferes with my relationships with friends or family.

I often feel anxiety over these things but I put that down to social anxiety disorder. I see no reason why being aromantic would be connected to my being uncomfortable with these things, but that's just me.

Watership Down, Quatermass and The Pit (considering it was made in the 1960s on a very low budget it is unreasonably terrifying),  and Alien (my dad got in a lot of trouble for letting we watch that).

I generally enjoy romance in fiction but the one's I don't like are the type of stories where I find myself thinking "If this guy wasn't good looking and the woman wasn't an idiot it would be a crime novel". Also books where the main character has multiple people panting after them (this is especially annoying when the character in dull as dish water, I'm looking at you Twilight and your profoundly forgettable yet somehow irresistible protagonist). And of course if the book is generally insipid or badly written the romance will be too; some books just suck in general.

I think that aro should just mean aromantic, not the spectrum, but I know that a lot of people do use for the spectrum. Personally I tend to feel that that using the word aromantic or aro as an umbrella term is kind of erasing those of us who are simply aromantic.

ok, in that case the term "gray" seems sufficient. Developing romantic attraction after "primary" (based on your OP, never heard the terms before) is normal, so I don't see the point in specifying it.

(Disclaimer, I didn't bother to read the linked thread on AVEN, so I'm probably missing something here)

How is this different from how an average person experiences attraction?

I'm unclear on how this is connect to "demi" too, demi sexuality/romanticism is an entirely different thing.

If you want help figuring that out you're going to have to give us more information.

Like you, I relate to barely any "common" aro experiences. I actually love romance. I read romance stories, I ship fictional characters, I'm not at all uncomfortable with PDAs. I didn't even start thinking about my romantic orientation until I was 24 because I didn't experience any sense of being "different" from any of my friends, plenty of them didn't really date due to concentrating on studies and career. None of that makes me any less aromantic though, I still don't experience romantic attraction, I still don't want a romantic relationship.

Welcome  It's a lot quieter here than on AVEN but I hope you like it here ?

Well I've never thought of it as "fear of dying alone" but I do worry about being one of those miserable lonely old people who goes for weeks at a times without seeing anyone but their professional carer, especially if I experience some level of mental degeneration in old age which makes it difficult to maintain friendships. And with how life expectancy continues to increase but health span is not keeping up I find it highly likely that I will experience that, most likely for several years.

I saw it with both my gran and grandma, in their final years dementia wasn't crippling enough to make them need to be in a home, or make them forget who they were or the people around them were, it must made them difficult (at best) to be around, and if they didn't have children and grandchildren  who felt obligated to spend time with them no matter how unpleasant they were, then they would have been completely alone in their final years.

I can either hope that at some point over the next 50 years there will be revolutionary treatment for mental and health degeneration in old age, which is certainly possible, or that I have a nice quick death before I become completely decrepit, or that my nephews will grow up to love me enough to want to visit.

I often "ship" fictional friends as romantic partners.

7 hours ago, Mark said:

If anything the concept of "aspec" is part of the problem here.

Yeah I agree.

I'm the youngest, with one older sister. 3 year age gap. I am the only non-straight person in my family.

I will never understand why so many people seem to put aromantic and asexual in the same box, it makes absolutely no sense. The existence of the term "aspec" which includes both aromantic and asexual identities is confusing. And I say this as an aroace person who cannot perceive them as separate orientations in myself.

13 hours ago, ollie.is.gay said:

am i just a late bloomer

It is perfectly normal to not have experienced romantic attraction at age 13, maybe if you were 17 it could be considered being a late bloomer.

13 hours ago, ollie.is.gay said:

do i FEEL romantic attraction but not know??

This is very possible.

13 hours ago, ollie.is.gay said:

i don’t understand the concept of “love at first sight”. how someone can see someone, talk to them for a little bit and suddenly - boom! - they’re madly in love. it takes me ages just to THINK about a romantic relationship, and even then it’s not an actual crush - just curiosity. 

Again this is pretty normal. Many people experience crushes based entirely on appearance, but for many people it is necessary to get to know a person first, and then romantic feelings are built over time with intention. The way the media commonly portrays romantic feelings is only one of many ways in which people develop and experience them, and not a very realistic one at that.

Personally I don't feel the need to label my relationships at all ? But if I did I wouldn't use the term "queerplatonic" as I really don't understand what that's supposed to mean. I would just use plain English however it best fit the relationship... close friend, best friend, housemate, life partner, lover etc.

1 hour ago, nonmerci said:

Some people can use the etymology to dismiss the right to use the term for sexual QPR, o sexual friendship.

I don't understand this attitude at all, there are lots of words which we use to mean completely different things to what they used to mean. Do this people also refuse to admit that "gay" means homosexual, or "cool" means good?

Some romantic relationships are unhealthy, just like some platonic or familial relationships are unhealthy, but not most. Sounds like you have a very narrow and unrealistic idea of what a "healthy" relationship should look like.

I'm not romance repulsed to I can't really say anything on that.

I hate it, just thinking about kissing someone makes my skin crawl. I don't see it as innately romantic or sexual though.