asexualpanda27

I feel sad and I feel like I shouldn't be sad. I'm basically aro. Everyone seems to say that they're happy that way and they don't want a romantic relationship, so it's no loss. So many people say that they were relieved when they found out they were aro because they'd previously felt broken. I understand that. I felt the same when when I felt I was ace. Identifying as ace makes me feel right and good. But identifying as aro doesn't make me feel good or relieved. It makes me feel incomplete. Like I'm admitting defeat. I want a romantic relationship so badly. I want to be someone's first priority, and I feel like as long as they have a significant other, I'll always take the back seat. I want someone to go on dates with and to call my girlfriend or boyfriend but without the crush and the hassle of feelings. I don't want to call them my QPP because I don't want to have to explain our entire relationship every time I introduce them to someone. I want to be exclusive with someone so I can look at them and think "Yes. That is my favorite human being and they will never leave me because someone more important called them." I know I could have all that with a QPP or something, but I don't want to have to make up terms to fit my lack of romantic attraction. I just want to be like the majority. I don't want to be aro. I'm sorry. Being aro makes so many of you happy, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it doesn't make me happy. I don't want to be the way I am. Don't come at me with "It's just internalized amatanormativity" and "You'll get over it." I am hurting. I don't want to be made to feel guilty for not feeling like the majority of the aro community. What hurts the most is knowing there's nothing I can do to make this pain better. Absolutely nothing.

I am so sick of being pushed aside as a friend in favor of romantic partners. I’m afraid that’s all I’m ever going to be. I’m afraid I’ll never be someone’s first priority because friends don't ever seem to be in this society. I’m worried I’ll never be enough. I definitely want to get married someday, but I’m afraid I’ll never find a friend who’s willing to do that. I thought I found one and then I found out that they were joking the whole time. I was kind of joking since we’re still super young to be thinking about that, but I was hoping it would be real. And to find out that a joke was all it ever was... it hurt

@Tagor What we feel kind of sucks, but it is comforting to know that someone else feels the same

@nonmerci I don’t know what I’m missing. I’m missing a deep connection of any kind. It’s just that normal friends can’t or aren’t willing to have that deep bond that romantic partners are more willing to have. But romantic partners aren’t usually thrilled when someone says they can’t love them back romantically. I want a connection—it doesn’t matter what kind. I’m just worried no one will ever want to platonically have that bond and I won’t be able to contribute to a romantic one. I identify as aroflux because I can’t decide on just one micro label. I could call myself cupio or grey or Demi or some others. But being Demi and cupio at the same time really really sucks. I want a connection now but I can’t form one without time

I feel lonely too. I have a few really good friends and they’re amazing, but I still feel like something is missing. Sometimes I still feel alone. And I don’t know if it’s because of any label. I’m grayro ace but I don’t think those are the things making me feel alone since I do have friends and so many aros are perfectly fulfilled with friendships. For me it’s personal. I don’t feel as connected with anyone as I need to be. I need something besides my existing friendships. It’s not that they aren’t good enough for me. I don’t think. Why do I feel so alone when I HAVE good, genuine friends? part of me is worried that what I’m missing is a romantic relationship and I KNOW romance doesn’t make me human and people don’t NEED romance to be happy, but I’m worried that I’m the exception. What if romance is what I’m missing? What if I’m destined to be lonely forever because I can’t feel what I need to feel in order to access what I need to feel complete? Maybe that didnt make sense. If it did, can someone message me?

I would love that! Thank you!

Honestly, if they “give up” on romance and are alloro, they’ll find it again when they’re ready. If they’re like me (who just decided in middle school to not have crushes anymore), they’re provably not alloro and this will hopefully help them. I would say just try to be the best friend you can be and express your platonic love/affection for them so they know you care for them even if it’s not in the way they wish you did. just a reminder, it’s not your fault that you can’t reciprocate the feelings. You don’t have to apologize for that and they shouldn’t expect an apology (idk if that’s relevant to your situation, but it’s a good reminder regardless)

I understand you so much! I feel the exact same way. I was even a little hesitant to join this website because I often feel alienated from the aro community. While I support and respect all the lovely aros who are happy and content being single, I personally am not. I identify as aroflux or grayro because I can't decide if I'm cupio, demi, or some other microlabel. I could probably use a number of them. But sometimes I think that maybe I'm only using aroFLUX or GRAYro because I want to deny the fact that I'm actually completely aro. That thought scares me. I want a romantic relationship/a deeply committed relationship (which, let's be honest, for alloromantics are basically the same thing) that I'm afraid I'm denying the fact that I might never be able to experience a traditional romantic relationship in any way, shape, or form. DM me if you want to talk more. I think we understand each other quite well. You can message me here or on instagram: ace.pride27

Some background (sorry in advance for a long post): Part 1 I was in a QPR with a girl (I'm a girl), but sometimes I felt like my feelings for her were kind of. . . crush-like. I would think about her all the time, daydream about living together, hope that every text was from her, etc. I'm told that's kind of what a crush is like. But the word crush didn't feel quite right to describe the exact feelings. Other times I definitely felt able to say with 100 percent certainty that my feelings for her were platonic. That experience caused me to label myself as aroflux since this happened throughout the relationship. I labeled the crush-like feelings alterous attraction, but now I'm wondering if I did that right. What exactly does alterous attraction feel like? How does it differ from a crush? Part 2 I think I can talk myself into "liking" people if I really want to. I can convince myself to basically become obsessed with them and have crush-like behavior. And it feels real. I just know it's not quite naturally occurring. My ex-zucchini is the only one for whom any sort of strange feelings cropped up. I think I do this because I desperately want a partner. I desperately want to be in a deeply committed relationship. Sometimes I feel like I love my friends more deeply than they love me. And that's not their fault, but I feel like I'm not getting my emotional needs met by what other people define as friendships. I've learned that my idea of friendship is much more akin to what alloro people think of as romantic relationships, so I don't know what to do. I'm afraid no one will want to be in a committed relationship with me because I'm asexual and mostly aro (I think), but that's the only way I feel that people are going to give me the deep kind of love that I'm looking for. Does that make sense to anyone?

I desperately want to feel romantic attraction and be in a deeply committed relationship. Sometimes I feel like I love my friends more deeply than they love me. And that's not their fault, but I feel like I'm not getting my emotional needs met by what other people define as friendships. I've learned that my idea of friendship is much more akin to what alloro people think of as romantic relationships, so I don't know what to do. I'm afraid no one will want to be in a committed relationship with me because I'm asexual and mostly aro (I think), but that's the only way I feel that people are going to give me the deep kind of love that I'm looking for. Does that make sense to anyone?