Mark

3 hours ago, UncommonNonsense said:

When I was a little kid, all the girls in my classes spoke about getting married as if it was a foregone conclusion.  They were going to get married, naturally.  And they had these idealized, romanticized dreams about their perfect wedding, the dress they'd wear, where the ceremony would be held, etc. 

I was more like the boys, who, whenever asked if they'd get married, usually said something like "Ew!  No way!" 

I knew I never wanted to get married all the way back in nursery school (~ three years old).  That never changed, growing up.  When I was asked what I wanted to do with my life, my plans always involved me living alone, in contrast to all of my female friends, for whom marriage was really important, and even my guy friends, who seemed to see marriage as just something you did when you got older and as a way to get sex fairly regularly.

I find it interesting how so many aro people knew they didn't want to get married as children. However we are told effectively that we will "grow out of it"..

I appear to be the exception here.

Really like all of these. Often struggle with finding people who want to do them with me. Especially kissing, seems that the vast majority of people will only kiss (potential) romantic partners.

I have had to remind people, on more than one occasion, that they should not assume that I am ace because I am aro or assume that I am haphephobic because I am on the autistic spectrum and aro.

7 hours ago, Rising Sun said:

That said, in a romantic sense only. Since I was little, I always had these dreams about one very special friend, a life companion, but it never was romantic in nature

I simply never felt this way. My feelings have always been in the direction of wanting the companionship of people.

That someone would specifically want to do anything with only one person is utterly baffling to me. 

Part of the reason I found the concept of polyamoury interesting. Though the common 'polynormative' varient with its hierarchicays, complex rules and "couple first" isn't for me at all

8 hours ago, Dareyth said:

I was never repulsed by romanticism, but I was never interested in it either. I understood it, I just did not have a desire to participate. I could understand I was this way, since around high school when everyone was discussing the latest gossip about who was in what relationships. I have had people ask me why I never dated, and I always told that that I was busy studying and such. 

Certainly at that age I was uninterested in romance or exclusivity. But interested in affection and sex.

The other huge barrier was gender role expectations and my being a shy person also  a far better fit for the traditional "female" roles when it comes to dating.

I have found a thirty year old song which contains the lyrics "I'll give you love baby not romance".
1986 version

Better known version from 1988 check around 1:17

55 minutes ago, Rising Sun said:

From personal experience, same. Not feeling a desire for romance (voluntary or innate) doesn't prevent from having crushes or falling in love. If it did, a lot of persons here would need to switch their identification to fully aromantic (and me among them). I think it's more an indicator of being some kind of grey, or at the very least not very romantic for people who still easily have crushes.

Or possibly mistaking squishes for crushes. Non romantic attractions can be strong. If all someone knows is that a crush is a strong attraction centred on someone else that's what they might call the strongest attraction they experience. Even if it's not romantic at all.

On 12/06/2016 at 10:15 AM, Cassiopeia said:

 

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It wasn't really like that, more like examining the facts and connecting the dots.

Many of the things that I have felt, made no sense at all on their own. Like why the hell do I dislike kissing? Am I not really gay? I find them hot, they turn me on, we are emotionally close, but kissing them just feels... mechanical?

Conversely I really enjoy kissing and physical affection. So long as it is romance free.
A non-romantic emotional connection makes things even better, whereas romance "poisons" the experience.
Best explanation I can come up with.

 

On 12/06/2016 at 10:15 AM, Cassiopeia said:

 

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I was about 22-24 when I found the term aromantic and things started to make sense, but I was so afraid of not being able to connect with others as a result. It still scares me, as I don't really have a role model or example front of me that would give me an idea of what my life will be when I'm 50 or 60 years old.

I am rather older. Would really like to have (and have had) some sort of role model since I've often found things really difficult and often still feel I have no clue what I am doing. Basically trying to make stuff up as I go along thinking "this is just crazy!" and "where do I even start?"

On 12/06/2016 at 7:54 AM, RedNeko said:

I don't think I ever cared about the whole thing all that much, but I suppose at 19 or 20 was the last time I went through a phase of bothering about the going out with people thing.

TBH to me the activity of "dating" or "going out with PEOPLE" actually still sounds attractive. However the idea of doing so to get  a monogamous romantic relationship sounds more like a "booby prize".
I like (and enjoy) human company a lot of the time, even though I tend to suck at it.
The idea of doing something, with one or more people, where's a good chance of some physical (or sexual) intimacy sounds quite awesome. Especially when combined with a strong QP bond.
A friend even described me as "hedonistic" recently.

On 11/06/2016 at 11:04 PM, Chronos said:

You people, at what age more or less you just said "f*** it" and stopped waiting for "the right one"?

The concept never made any sense to me. I'm unsure I ever started looking for "THE ONE(tm)".

34 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:

I agree, its strange.

I found the first question seemed sensible then it rapidly headed off into the "Twilight Zone".
With some serious WTF moments.

On 07/06/2016 at 9:09 PM, Vega said:

Oh yeah doing housework makes me so horny. Seriously, WTF. Who gets turned on by housework? It's weird, I couldn't say "I enjoy sewing because I like making things," I had to either hate it or be turned on by it or like it because it's "woman's work."

 

There seemed to be quite a few questions where you could end up trying to pick the least daft answer.
Guessing they expected skipping the question if you had no strong feelings either way.

On 25/05/2016 at 11:35 PM, Jade said:

• I do feel like I'm missing something because I'm aro, and being aro made me sad, not relieved

Very much agree with that.

Often wished I could get on board with amantonormative and mononormative thinking so as to fit in better with society.

5 minutes ago, breaddd said:

(What's a vee?)

https://www.morethantwo.com/polyglossary.html#vee

On 16/05/2016 at 8:00 PM, peridotty said:

however, i did have some super aro moments as a child, like when I got bored of movies that portrayed a lot of romantic relationships or featured love triangles, etc

I never really got "love triangles", since typically the most obvious solution for the characters involved is a vee anyway.
Must have worked this out at least a decade before I encountered the term "vee".

I'm a bad aro because:

• I don't have an issue with romance in fiction, per say, rather if it dosn't make sense in terms of plot.
• I like physical affection, kissing, cuddling, stroking, hand holding.
• I'd like to be able to go on "dates". So long as there is no expectation of romance or exclusivity involved. (Unfortunately it would have to be in the "askee" role which seems virtually impossible for someone of my age and gender within my society.)

On 14/05/2016 at 11:21 AM, Cassiopeia said:

No, this is a very real problem, lets talk about it. Heck, even I feel awful and predatory and all sorts of horrible sometimes because of this, and I'm also a girl.

 

No wonder hetero guys started the voluntary celibacy topic.

Exactly. Consider also that LGBTQIA spaces can be far less sex negative than str8 spaces.
 

On 14/05/2016 at 11:21 AM, Cassiopeia said:

Wanting only sex from someone isn't predatory or misogynist or a bad thing. If you communicate honestly. respect your partner, respect boundaries and ask for consent, then there is nothing wrong with that.

In many cases wanting only sex is considered socially and politically incorrect. (Even without accusations of "predator" and "misogynist".) So negotiating consent under such circumstances is going to be extra difficult anyway.

On 14/05/2016 at 11:21 AM, Cassiopeia said:

Just because you cannot give them your everlasting romantic love, you not going to treat them like a piece of meat...

(Not like romantic love ever stopped them anyway? Respect and common decency aren't results of romantic affection?!)

Most likely actual predators are capable of faking romantic interest.

On 22/05/2016 at 3:19 PM, Dodgypotato said:

What about the misconception that aromantic people, "Just can't get a date."

There's possibly some truth here. In the sense that many aromantic people may either not want to date or would be interested in a QP (rather than romantic) relationship as a result. Thus from an allormantic POV "go about things the wrong way".

On 18/04/2016 at 10:52 PM, Vega said:

I would rather be in a car than on a train watching some couple make out. 

For me it would very much depend if I was watching or doing. Though the latter's unlikely since I have no QPP I'd be likely to take a train journey with.

6 hours ago, Rising Sun said:

Or on the contrary, heard all others saying you're gay and thought "maybe they're right, maybe I'm really gay ?", staring at girls (or guys) a bit like a creep, waiting for the spark that would never happen.

This sounds like a variation on the "you've just not found the right person (to be romantic with)" meme.

Assuming that an aromantic person is "looking in the wrong place" (or is also asexual) being easier than questioning the idea that EVERYONE wants a romantic relationship.

On 01/05/2016 at 10:23 AM, aihpen said:

And once I picked me up from this art school I went to and when he saw that there wasn't a single boy in the class, he asked me why I'd go there if I can't meet any cute boys there anyway.

Don't people usually attend classes there to learn about something they are interested in learning about?

On 18/04/2016 at 5:21 PM, aihpen said:

Whenever my friends need any kind of romantic relationship advice the first person they come to for advice is me. Why me? I haven't told them about being aro ace, but they know I've never been in a romantic relationship and they never witnessed me having a crush. So out of all their friends I'm the one who has to give advice on this thing that I really don't understand?

Maybe they value the opinion of an objective outsider.

On 26/04/2016 at 5:51 PM, PerformativeSurprise said:

 

I always hate those kind of questions! Whenever someone would ask about what my "type" is or what qualities I find attractive in a partner, I would freeze up or try to deflect.

I'd go with "human", though if I were to include fictional characters that isn't strictly true, so possibly "sentient".

23 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

A lot of CODE RED happens in the halls of my high school... and I'm not quite looking forward to what it would be like in college.

Often there is also the issue of those involved causing an obstruction.

18 hours ago, Spud said:

I used to be really not-touchy around my friends, but they kind of changed that. I've had them literally kiss me on the cheek before or pick me up and twirl me around before.

I really like being touched a lot. But often find it difficult to find people who want to touch me.

On 04/04/2016 at 3:05 PM, DannyFenton123 said:

When I was younger I told my friends I never wanted to get married. Little did I know at the time, I was coming out as aromantic

Ditto. Suspect you might also have heard "You'll change your mind when you meet the right person" as a response.

On 15/04/2016 at 7:16 AM, omitef said:

The difference between platonic and romantic attraction, for me, is exclusivity. When I feel platonic attraction towards someone, I want to be a significant part of their world, but not the center of their universe. I want to get close to them and make them happy, but I don't feel the desire to always be close to them, or be a major source of their happiness. When I feel romantic attraction towards someone, I want to be their everything. I want to be the one who is there for them, 100% of the time, providing everything and anything they want or need--except when I actually end up doing it, or get asked to do it, I feel really gross. 

This explanation seems to work well for me. Since I have experienced the former, but not the latter type situation.
Also find the idea of someone else wanting to be "my everything" to be not attractive in the slightest.

I expect people I care about to have their own lives to live...

I can find myself uncomfortable with seeing affection around me, especially if it's very obviously "coupley". e.g.associated with the people concerned going on about their exclusivity.
I'm very happy to receive affection, so long as there is no sense of proprietary or exclusivity involved.