nonmerci

So anyone is doing it this year?

Good luck if you do!

I played a game, it asked the synonyme for "available". An accepted answer was "single".

My reaction :

14 hours ago, roboticanary said:

That's fascinating. I never knew sex favourable ace was such a minority so that didn't stand out to me

I wonder if it is linked to how society portray sex and romance. For sex, society insists on the act, and for romance, it insists more on the feeling (that is portrayed as best thing in thé world). The value attached to it is different, too. For sex, we are all supposed to want it and think it is good, but also encourage to respect our boundaries and to not engage in it if we are not comfortable. With romance, society doesn't portray it as something you should not do if you don't feel like it, but as something pure that can only do good.

I don't know, I'm just guessing.

For what I understand, romantic attraction is more about wanting to date the person you are attracted to. It is true though people often express desire to hug, kiss or hold hands with their crush, for instance.

What I can say is that wanting to hug people is not necessary romantic attraction. It sounds more like sensual attraction to me.

Now I could be wrong. What makes you relate to aromanticism, and what makes you not relate?

It really depends what we mean by that.

If it is "truly love someone", yes, I believe true love exists.

If it is the idea that people have only one person out there that is there true love (or soulmate) that they are destined to be with... Then no, I don't believe in that. I do believe that it can feel that bat way for some people, but I also believe that if they never met this person, they must have ended up feeling this way for someone else.

Well, it depends if you like to play on the meaning of the words or not, I guess.

If you take the actual definition of "falling in love", it is a romantic feeling. So no, an aromantic person can't fall in love (except if we talk about the aromantic spectrum, because some people in the grey area can, I guess).

If you change the definition of "falling in love" to include a platonic feeling as strong as romantic love, then yes, aros can fall in love. A lot of aros say they love their friends, and of course, there are QPRs. I suppose it is up to them if they want to describe it as "falling in love" or not.

It is an interesting survey. It is sad to see that 33% of people don't feel welcome in the aro community. I was hoping we made a better job in included them but obviously, we do not. I wonder what we can do to improve that.

It was also interesting to see there is no clear majority bing romance-repulsed, neutral and favorable. It made me think of this survey on AVEN, when it was the case also for the aros who are there, but it is very clear that for sex, sex-favorable asexual is a minority. I think it is interesting how romance don't have a clear difference for aromantics, but sex does for asexuals.

I also think it's interesting the part about ace-spec aros being included in alloaro label, because I sometimes think that if we are very vocal about acespec people using the label ace if they want to, we sometimes forget that people in the grey area don't necessarily identify with the ace umbrella but with allo people.

I like the part about if alloaros identify with an orientation more than with the other, because I once see someone who were not aromantic say that aromantic people would identify more with their (LGBT) sexual orientation if they have one because she couldn't see how the contrary could be possible. I wish I could have linked her to this survey to show that there are not a clear consensus on the subject.

I also think it is interesting that some alloaros consider their orientations linked, because it is something I see discuss for aroaces people (that they see the aro and the ace part as a whole), but that I never thought about for alloaros. Well, I will go to bed more educated today. I would be interested to learn more about it. Is it linked to the fact that a lot also consider the aromanticism influence their sexual attraction, or is it another reason? I am also curious about the fact that most people feel that way than the other away, with sexual attraction influencing their aromanticism... I am curious about all of this, do you have links where I can learn more?

3 hours ago, roboticanary said:

I also found it interesting that when looking at gender, man/boy was only a few percent behind woman/girl in the responses which is something I am really not used to in aro communities.

Yes, in particular when you compare it to the AUREA survey when it was 48% women versus 15% men... I don't know what to think about it, but it is interesting.

Anyway it was interesting, thanks for sharing.

A random feminist : saying lesbians are the best feminists because they will never been tied to a man.

Me : does that mean I am the ultimate feminist because I will never been romantically tied to everyone?

(I know the answer is "no")

I think I have only one squish, which was in the grey area. It was out of sight out of mind, except maybe in the begining but because it was my questioning phase, so I thought about it a lot to know if it was a crush or a squish.

I don't remember how long it lasted. Two weeks, maybe a bit more. Then the intensity vanished.

I can't say if gender is factor,  considering it was only one.

I consider myself out to anyone except my family. Not that I necessary tell all the other, but if they ask or if it is brought up in the conversation,  I won't hide it.

Sometimes my father complain about how he hasn't greatchild yet, or how his ex colleagues have but not him. Usually he also complains about how his children are not married. But he does not necessary does that to our faces so I'm sure he complains more than I know.

I usually respond with ignorance. Which is not the best, but I am too tired to explain things to him.

4 hours ago, eatingcroutons said:

make sure you aren't searchable by phone number on any social media platforms, and make sure your WhatsApp profile or anything else tied to your phone number doesn't reveal any more personal information in case he goes looking.

I'm not on social media so I am safe with that. The only reason I got what's app is because the other trainees use it and it is useful to have information or support each other. I only use it for that.

(Years of not sharing the interest of my generation for social media is finally useful lol)

I've been there. When I learn about aromanticism I look for every tiny reason that could make me not aro, because I lived with the assumption that I will fall in love one day and get married, and it was hard to admit that the thing that should have been a huge part of my life will never be a part of my life. But after I accept that, I realized that I never really desired romance anyway, and that I am happier this way.

What helps is to spend time on arospec places, so you can exchange with people who have similar experiences. It will help you to see that this is not a big deal, and there is no guilt to have. After all, you are not hurting anyone.

Our banker : *changed her last name*

My dad : Get married? Congratulations!

Our banker : Actually, I get a divorce

My dad : Ooops

Me : Still congratulations!

For anyone who wonders, I ignore the call for two days. I thought I may send a message explaining I'm not interested if that continues, as you suggested, but he stops calling then.

Thanks everyone for your advice and support.

Maybe aroflux? That's the label for people who have a romantic orientation that fluctuates.

There are not often someone in my be but if there is, it is probably because we share the room for whatever reason, so... I'm just trying to sleep, actually. 

I think it is because romantic relationship are built around a commitment that has to go stronger as the relationship is growing. It has these steps and every step is a bigger commitment than the other, if you think about it.

Marriage arrives at the end as the biggest commitment of all, so they make a big deal about it.

Is there a particuliar reason why you think QPR is not the right word? Because QPR is the answer I would have gave to your question "is there a word for it", (people define it as "between platonic and romantic", but that doesn't mean it is romantic) but it seems you already dismissed it and I'm curious why.

If you don't like this label, it is ok to inventyour own. Couple besties souns like a cool name.

Platonic dates can exist, so you can date as friends. Though I think it is better if you discuss it with your bestie to know what she wants for your relationship, in particular if you figured out what you want yourself.

On 10/6/2021 at 10:52 PM, Blake said:

heard, but I haven't seen Sex Education for fear that it doesn't represent young queer people well.

I think Sex education do its best, though some characters can seem like token characters who are there to spore about a specific issues (which is something I see against the NB character, and is also true for the ace character who just disappeared in season 3). However there are a lot of LGBT+ characters with unique personalities, and their story are not only centered around them being LGBT+ for most of them. So you can give it a try and see what you think about it.

3 hours ago, Karst said:

So this is the real reason people get married? The obsession with marriage makes sense now.

That meme is the story of my life.

Usually if you type @ and then start to type the person's name, something will pop up to suggest the name you want to type. You have to chose the name in the list,  because I think if you just type the name it doesn't work.

For me it depends if I think the person will pursue the romantic feelings and won't respect my bondaries, or not.