nonmerci

Speaking as a not oriented aroace.

I don't feel this way about the term. I just think some people have a strong connection for the attraction they felt and want this to be reflected in their label and speak about it, and that's fine. I don't think it separates us.

But I don't really go in other aro space than arocalypse so I don't know, maybe there is something specific that make you feel it does and I am not aware of it.

5 hours ago, Acecream said:

But just some thoughts of mine: being a choice DOES mean that nobody is allowed to exclude all heteroromantic aces from lgbtqia+ spaces as long as the person doesn't say, they are not queer, doesn't it?

I'd say it is the same thing as being gray vs being "completely" aro or ace. Some people in the spectrum will still identify as alloromantic or allosexual, and nobody can say to them "you are wrong, you are aromantic or asexual". But there are still gray people who identify as aro or ace and we can't say to them "no you are not, get out of the community".

I think a-spec are in this position because some feel like they belong to the LGBTQUIA+ community, other don't. But I think that regardless of that, the LGBTQUIA+ should work to be more acceptable for these who wants to go in there spaces. And of course that in return, we should not force the label on those who feel the opposite.

Welcome here!

10 hours ago, Ace said:

Here's the question though: We all know about the aro ring and how we for some reaason like green but what are some other like icons about aromantics 

 

I think there is also the arrows.

Yes, that's it, crêpes are thinner. Don't know for other countries,  but in France, it is common to have people sell some near beaches in holidays areas. So yes, perfect for summer.

Tough question. There are so much good food in the world. If I had to chose one, I'd say pasta carbonara.

For sweets, it will be crêpes. Google tells me that English for crêpes is pancakes, but I ate pancakes and even if that's good too, that's not the same, so I will call that crêpes lol. Tell me you don't want some :

8 hours ago, kikicita said:

What I'm still speechless about is that he said that he is not really interested on educating himself on the issue, can't believe it...

Sadly some people are like that... They see all of this are an ideology and not as something that actually exist and can happen to anyone regardless what their opinions on the subject are.

Also it is sometimes difficult to understand for cis people, I think. If I take my personal experience, when I first heard about it, it was difficult to understand that some people identify with another gender, none of them or more than one. For me it was not that I believe there were only two genders, but that I have problem to believe genders exist in the first place, and it was a long way to understand that genders are real.

As I am an open-minded person (or at least I like to think so), I tried to understand,  and I read what trans people had to say and things like that. For people who are not willing to do that, well... Let's say they have another step to pass, which is : get that their conceptions are not necessarily universal truth. And sadly, when they are in this position, it is very hard to educate them on these subjects... I know a demiboy who tried to educate his husband for years until the husband saw a documentary on Netflix and finally get it.

I am not saying that to discourage you. Just be aware that if you want him to understand, it will probably be a long way.

As @Sam Spade says, talking about different cultures who had a lot more genders than 2 could be a good idea.

Recently I saw 4 marriages and a funeral. I heard it was an iconic movie so I gave it a try. There were some fun scenes in it, sure, but the main romance... I just don't know how I was supposed to root for this couple. Carrie annoyed me so much. She knew Charles loved her, she knew she loved him, but she still decided to marry another guy (even after cheated on him with Charles even if it was only the second time they met). Charles is not better, he wanted to marry a woman just for the sake of marrying and then left her in the church because Carrie told him she divorced, so now he wants to be with her. I don't think I ever wanted more a couple to not get together.

And the worst part is : they made huge love declaration even if they met something like what, six times? Maybe less? And the whole time, Charles idealizes Carrie instead of seeing her as a true person. Am I really supposed to believe they are completely in love when they don't even know each other?

I don't think it is wrong you feel weird about it. For what you say, it is possible your friend has a crush on you and had trouble accepting your identity because of that, and now wants a QPR because romantic isn't an option. At least that's what I get from the story, I could be wrong, I don't know your friend after all. But your friend kinda seem to force on the QPR idea and I think talking about it with him could be a good idea, even if it is to say that you are not interested.

You did nothing wrong. In fact you were really calmand nice in my opinion. You even give her an explanation when you didn't have to.

I don't know her but from what you say it seems she has some issue. I don't think it is a normal way to react even for an alloromantic. It was very excessive. Really I think it came from her, not from you.

And as @Jot-Aro Kujosaid it is ironic that she didn't know what aro meant but then talked as if she met so much aros that she can tell you that guys are the worst. She clearly didn't know what she is talking about and was just mean. I know it is an easy thing to say but you shouldn't bother about someone who were so unfair to you.

I had a list of traits that was needed to be a good boyfriend for me (being nice, intelligent, pretty, funny... not very original I know). Then I chosed one of the boy (because heteronormativity) that fitted the criteria the most. But there were no romantic feeling involved, sometimes I didn't even care about them. When I wasn't thinking about who could be my crush, I wasn't thinking about them.

With a weird comparison, it's like being in a shop, feeling I have to buy something but I don't really want anything. So I look at all the products and compare them to determine which would be the better choice, according to logical criteria. On the other hand, all the other people who enter the shop don't have this problem : they know exactly what kind of products they want and feel attracted to one in particular.

For flowers, I'd say the yellow rose because it a symbol of friendship.

If you tell them to be true about your feeling but doesn't expect anything, I think it is ok. However be aware she could feel uncomfortable about it.

If not I would suggest you doesn't tell.

I'm French so I pronounce it the French way lol.

A character who is openly identifying as aro and is not demonize for it.

I think the best way is to find a compromise. It is uncomfortable for you but on the other hand you can't forbid her to see people in her own house. So yes, the best way to do it would be for you to know when she invites people so you can be sure to not see them.

I don't really have an advice except "be prepared to answer questions". In particular "but weren't you having crushes before" if someone thought you were. And then explaining you were saying that to fit the norm or because you thought having crushes just meant thinking someone is nice or funny. 

And when it's not romantic, people find a way to interpret it in a romantic way.

People seek romance because the only way sex is tolerated is if it is corelated to a romantic relationship.

The problem is : it does't fit the asexual community.

The other day, a friend of my mother came to visit, and the conversation ended up on how both I and my brother have never dated though we are respectively 27 and 31 (I don't know if my brother is aro though). When my parents were complaining that we just seem to not be interested in it, their friend said it was not a problem and that young people today just focus on other things like career.

And I was just there thinking "Go, Madam! Defeat amatomormativity!"

I love romance for other people and in fiction. However, since I discover I am aro, I became more upset with forced romance, because often romance in fiction only happen as an obligation and ended up to undevelopped to make sense (at best; sometimes it is developped and still don't make sense).

However for me, this is no. I don't want a romantic story.

Ta to animals. I'm not a travelling person and I'm sure animals would have a lot to say.

Would you rather reach the top of a mountain or win a marathon?

I don't know. Maybe it's a mix between demi romantic (attraction olympique after you bonded with someone) and aroflux (having your attraction changing)? 

On 5/28/2021 at 3:24 PM, Acecream said:

the ironic one: I used to play in a improvisational Theater group 1 1/2 years ago. We had this exercise in which we had to play emotions. I got “to be in love”

wekk I had no idea what to do and just acted as if I would be nervous and in a shy way excited to be with the other person I was with... and in the end they told me that I was very good in pretending that I was in love lol

In my theater class, we all had to play the same romantic text (the point was, we were supposed to tell the text to someone who doesn't looking at us, and the person should turn if they think we tack to them... I'm stil lvery confused about how it works lol). We all do it, and strangely, I was the one who did the best. I think it is because I didn't care about the feeling. I just thought about how people talk when they make a romantic love declaration (the intonations, the breath...), and I imitated it.

(It made me think, in the play we did at the end of the year, I was supposed to kiss a guy on stage but we just faked it. Before the real performance, the guy asked if we could kiss for real on stage. I gave him such a look, he never asked again. The idea just never crossed my mind, except with the desire to NOT do that.)

23 hours ago, roboticanary said:

I agree, I think it makes it easier to feel accepted if you can point to people like you with a variety of traits and interests, and sometimes that means being represented by an idiot. I get the fear of groups that have been seen as less intelligent of being represented by someone who is canonically dumb but I don't think that is a problem for aromanticism.

Yes I don't think it is a problem. Plus Todd is not even an idiot (or at least, not that much), more than he lives in his own world. And even if he has some dumb ideas, he is also kind, always ready to help other, and very creative. A character doesn't have to be perfect to be a representation.

A sterotype of the aromantic would probably be the guy to intelligent to care about feeling, so I guess a dumb character as aro would not hurt.

@GeorgiI never watched Lucifer neither but I think it is not the first time I see someone talks about this possibility.