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Questioning if I’m on the are-spec

Guest Nikona

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Guest Nikona

Ok so this is my first post and i’ve been thinking about whether i might be on the aromantic spectrum because i only realized this some time after my first relationship failed (my partner broke up with me for reasons i won’t get into rn) and i’m also realizing i might have have never truly felt romantic attraction towards people overall and used to be pan. 
i personally don’t mind romance (except bl cuz i love it too much idk why-) but i see no point it and also because there’s always these tropes in it like damsel in distress or the love triangles (the characters could’ve just done a poly relationship or something in my opinion-) or something and i personally don’t i ever really had true crushes ( i think i had like 1 or 2 in my entire life?), i think i just thought they looked “cute” or “pretty” but my romantic attraction never really went very far and probably faded away after some time :| 

i also don’t think i ever really thought much about things like holding hands or kisses and even if i did, i was scared to because i didn’t know if my partner was ok with it or not, and i have no desire in getting married because that’s just stupid to me tbh.

basically i don’t think i ever really had any sort of romantic attraction towards people and if i did, it was pretty weak. 

im also debating if im on the ace-spec as well but idk cuz i still am somehow confused by the definition of sexual attraction even after researching about it and having someone explain it to me idk why- also i still have interest in things like sex i guess

ofc these are just all speculation because i can never trust my memories because they’re horrible-

and i just need solid proof that i COULD be on the aro-spec but im not sure- rn, i would consider myself to be undefined

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You are perfectly free to identify or not identify with a label, but just wanted to say that being on the aro-spec doesn't need "solid proof", because proving absence of anything is an issue on its own, and aro-spec doesn't even require 100℅ absence of attraction necessarily (it's "none OR LITTLE attraction" in the definition of aromantic). It's based on how do you feel. 

If you want to identify as being on the aro-spec, you are pretty much welcome to! Your experience sounds similar to what a lot of aro-specs experience. You can be greyromantic or even strictly aro ("just thinking someone is cute or pretty" sounds like aesthetic attraction, not romantic). And liking romance in fiction is completely okay, some aros do, some don't, it isn't necessarily connected with your identity. 

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Based on my personal experience, I think you perfectly describe what an aromantic (or person into the arospec) feels and thinks! I see myself in your words, witnessed similar experiences and idk I think this is not the way alloromantics live their relationships, so I think you can legit say you're aromantic if you feel comfortable in this label!

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