Jump to content

I just need to write down my thoughts and vent

Recommended Posts

To be in a QPR with a alloromantic and allosexual guy was the biggest mistake of my life, I couldn't know it form the start because I was still exploring my orientations at that time. It's been almost a year now (9 months), we've been through many things, he has always accepted me for who I am, we have so much fun together and understand each other perfectly on the vast majority of topics, ngl I can say I truly love him with all myself, he's one of the most important persons in my life and I would be devastated to lose him, I can't even think about it.

But I'm slowly losing interest in everything that makes him happy about our bond: I sometimes feel the weight of spending too much time together especially when we cuddle for hours, I don't feel this urge - yet I like to hug him and be physically caring on him, but I also get tired quick. The fact I need my space and time is a personality trait of me that he accepted (it happens to me with everyone, I can't stand the same person around for many days in a row, at some point I need to stay alone for at least 24h), but I see he sometimes suffers for it, he's a very sweet guy who loves to have me around and misses me when it doesn't happen for 3 or 4 days in a row... Sometimes it makes me feel smothered and I act like it to make him happy. Seez I eventually enjoy those moments, but I feel like I'm taking too much time away that I used to spend for myself and my passions. I'm like "we could have a long hug then bye bye, why are we spending two other hours together cuddling each other? We already spent the evening together eating or hanging out or playing some games etc"... For me the effective part is important but not that much, as an aromantic I feel like treating him as a friend, although he's obviously a special friend.

We talked many times in the past months and he clearly said the affective part is too important for him, he can accept to have less sex (that's a hard topic too because I'm ace but sex positive), too see each other not so often when I feel like staying on my own, but he would suffer too much if I decided to turn this QPR into a "normal" friendship. And I know for sure his feelings for me aren't fading, they're stronger every day.

The last thing I wanna do is hurting him, I would do everything in my power to protect him because I swear I LOVE him, just... in a platonic way, apparently. But hiding the truth is not a good option too, I can't lie and he would notice it immediately. It would be a real struggle to make him understand my feeling for him aren't changing, but the way in which I express them.

It's a mess and if I stop and think about it all I feel real pain, there's no way out. One of us have to suffer - most like both have to.

I don't blame myself for this situation, when everything started I couldn't know, but now that I'm more aware I'm absolutely sure I won't accept a relationship like this in the future, I'll be clear from the start and I won't do it with an alloromantic who's in love with me.

Now that I wrote down my thoughts I feel better even if still confused and in pain, I chose to share it with you because maybe someday someone in my same situation will read it and find relief knowing they're not alone 🤍

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Something I've just been realizing more and more is that...relationships are hard, and it just hurts to get so close to someone. There's someone who I have feelings for - I don't know if they're romantic or something else, but it's definitely some sort of feelings. As far as i know he's allo, and he's been in relationships in the past. There's also some evidence he has a crush on me (but this is by no means a certainty). but it's been sorta stressful trying to figure out my feelings and what i want from him because i really would like to get to know him more, and maybe even enter into some kind of relationship, but i don't think there's a way to have a relationship both of us would be satisfied with. even if i do have a romantic crush on him, i dont think i'd feel comfortable in a romantic relationship. (he also just isnt very familiar with lgbtq+ identities and sometimes gets uncomfortable when the lgbtq+ community is mentioned (yes, red flag, its something i need to talk about with him because i think he's just uneducated about the topic) so i dont think i could even bring it up and at the moment i dont even feel comfortable coming out to him)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...