I know I'm aro, but then I feel emotions that are similar to when you have a crush, except I seriously don't care about the person at all

[Guest kazzle dazzle]

So basically 2 1/2 years ago I learned what it meant to be aroace and it honestly cleared up so much in my life and I finally felt like I could explain everything that had been "wrong" with me up until then.

And everything was fine, until about six months later, when I started basically gaslighting myself into thinking I had crushes.

So basically one day there'll be a person I barely know and quite honestly don't give a damn about but then the next day they'll look at me and I'll get really bad anxiety all of a sudden and it feels the way a crush is supposed to feel except I know it's not a crush because I have no desire to date the person, I don't care if they date anyone else, and wouldn't care if they died the next day because I barely know them I just think they're attractive or funny.

But i have really bad social anxiety and intrusive thoughts so I start to gaslight myself into thinking it's a crush and I get really worked up about it and it's so weird cause i don't care about the person at all.

so basically i just need to know why i have some "symptoms" of a crush without it actually being a crush

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

On 4/11/2024 at 7:02 PM, Guest kazzle dazzle said:

So basically 2 1/2 years ago I learned what it meant to be aroace and it honestly cleared up so much in my life and I finally felt like I could explain everything that had been "wrong" with me up until then.

And everything was fine, until about six months later, when I started basically gaslighting myself into thinking I had crushes.

So basically one day there'll be a person I barely know and quite honestly don't give a damn about but then the next day they'll look at me and I'll get really bad anxiety all of a sudden and it feels the way a crush is supposed to feel except I know it's not a crush because I have no desire to date the person, I don't care if they date anyone else, and wouldn't care if they died the next day because I barely know them I just think they're attractive or funny.

But i have really bad social anxiety and intrusive thoughts so I start to gaslight myself into thinking it's a crush and I get really worked up about it and it's so weird cause i don't care about the person at all.

so basically i just need to know why i have some "symptoms" of a crush without it actually being a crush

I don't have any advice unfortunately, but I do relate with what you're going through. There have been times where guys at my job, or girls when I went to high school, would ask me if I'm single, or if I simply liked anyone, and throughout these encounters I would feel this anxiousness come over me and a fluttery-ness in my stomach that many would attribute to "feeling a crush" or with being "flattered." But, deep down, I knew that that anxiety and "fluttery-ness" was indeed just anxiety, and an aversion - that I did not want these people feeling attracted to me, or asking me out, at all. I know if someone were to feel romantic and/or sexual attraction to me that it's because they're not able to control it, and it will happen again and again, but because I don't feel any attraction towards people (I mean, I'm allosexual, but my aromanticism overrides it) I often forget that complete strangers may dig me in that way, and I often just try to ignore the implications of it. I'm not trying to say that for you it's aversion, but that is what it is for me.