algebraicresc Posted March 30 Share Posted March 30 So I’ve always thought I had a romantic crush on this guy back in 6th grade, but now I’m not so sure. Thinking back (and after reading my old cringy journal entries) I was just following him around the school hoping to be able to talk to him. I vaguely thought that I would like to date/kiss/marry him but honestly didn’t really think about those romantic things that much. maybe it was just amatonormativity and I was just conditioned to want these things, idk. The main thing I felt was a strong kind of euphoria every time we had an ordinary interaction, and maybe that could also be platonic? Also, this crush started as one of those fake crushes where you pick a random person from the class because someone asked who your crush was but you really felt nothing toward them. But then at one point it suddenly became “real” and I started feeling REALLY happy and excited just to see him or talk to him, etc. But again I’m not sure if this is just platonic. At one point I made him a card asking him if he would like to be my boyfriend, but he said no. I remember on that day I was mostly embarrassed but not sad, and I almost had to remind myself to be sad. But after that I started to genuinely feel sad which lasted for months. (But I wonder if that sadness was just because we couldn’t be friends or something? (Not really.) I have no idea. I barely remember it since it was so long ago.) also I think I may have just asked him to be my boyfriend because I assumed it was a crush and not because I really wanted it. Or because I didn’t really understand what being boyfriends/girlfriends entailed. Idk. I also think the same type of elation when interacting with him was present in some of my squishes but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Anyway, does this sound like a crush to you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peggy Posted March 30 Share Posted March 30 That sounds pretty similar to the experience I'm currently trying to figure out for myself... In my case, it was about four years ago that I thought I had a crush on this guy, because I really liked talking to him and it just made me happy to see/talk with him. At the time, I thought it was a romantic crush (also the first crush I ever had, so it had been something I'd been waiting for since all my friends always talked about their crushes and such). Looking back, I'm not so sure, because I remember, even at the time, noticing differences with how I perceived him than with how my friends perceived their crushes. And yet, there's still a part of me that wonders if it was a crush, since it did still feel different than now when I get platonic crushes. But ultimately, I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter. It was in the past, and the memories are all hazy now, and it's really hard to determine something that happened so long ago when I don't currently have the feelings. This doesn't affect my identity now. So I know this may not be the answer you're looking for, but there's really no way for you to figure it out now that it's in the past. Our memories play tricks on us, we misremember a lot of things, and there's never going to be a clear cut line between romantic and platonic attraction. You know your own experiences the best, so it's your own decision, but whatever you realize, it doesn't affect who you are now! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
algebraicresc Posted March 30 Author Share Posted March 30 (edited) 35 minutes ago, Peggy said: also the first crush I ever had Same! 35 minutes ago, Peggy said: it did still feel different than now when I get platonic crushes Same! 35 minutes ago, Peggy said: It was in the past, and the memories are all hazy now, and it's really hard to determine something that happened so long ago when I don't currently have the feelings. This doesn't affect my identity now. So I know this may not be the answer you're looking for, but there's really no way for you to figure it out now that it's in the past. Our memories play tricks on us, we misremember a lot of things, and there's never going to be a clear cut line between romantic and platonic attraction. You know your own experiences the best, so it's your own decision, but whatever you realize, it doesn't affect who you are now! Yeah. It’s too hazy to know 100%. I was just trying to figure out if I was “qualified” to identify as fully aro since all my other crushes were not romantic. But then it doesn’t matter because I’m just gonna call myself “aro” anyway because it could also refer to arospec. Edited March 30 by algebraicresc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peggy Posted March 31 Share Posted March 31 23 hours ago, algebraicresc said: Yeah. It’s too hazy to know 100%. I was just trying to figure out if I was “qualified” to identify as fully aro since all my other crushes were not romantic. But then it doesn’t matter because I’m just gonna call myself “aro” anyway because it could also refer to arospec. You are absolutely still able to call yourself aro even if you don't know if this was a crush or a squish! First of all, yes you're correct that the word aromantic can refer to being arospec, too. But also, no two aro people are alike, and we all have different experiences. If you feel like the aro label fits you, and it's something that you're comfortable with and identify with, please use it. I struggled for a long time with whether I could call myself aro because of the crush I thought I'd had four years ago, but it was the term I felt most comfortable with, and it was something that felt good to me. Even now, I'm struggling to determine if I might have a crush on someone, and how to interpret my feelings, but I know that regardless, I still experience attraction in different ways than allo people, and I'm still aro. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organs and bone Posted April 9 Share Posted April 9 On 4/7/2024 at 2:23 AM, Sad aro said: I guess this is a common struggle among aromantics. How identifying something that's missing? I heard about aromanticism for the first time in 2015 and are still struggling in finding a microlabel that is a perfect fit because if I don't know if I can experience a low level or unspecific form of romantic attraction or not. So struggling with identifying romantic attraction can be an indication itself that you're arospec. Yeah, and I think that it’s a good reminder that you don’t always have to know exactly what you are. And maybe ID yourself with one label, see how it feels and if you think that’s what you are, and maybe try another label. xo 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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