My friend's confession

[Keith]

I already posted it on reddit, so I thought I might put it here as well.

 

Lately I've found myself in a strange situation, to say at least. So: one of my friends confessed her romantic feelings to me, and although (not to sound rude) I've had my suspicions, I never thought she would confront me about it, nor that she actually really felt about me this way.

I've thought about dating her a few times in the past two years or so that we've known eachother. The bare thought of being in a relationship with her isn't by any means disgusting, or unappealing, or whatsoever. Frankly speaking I just don't feel anything while imagining myself in it. And that's what I told her: that I in fact have thought about dating her, and that my feelings for her could be classified as romantic ones, but since I have a problem with labeling my own emotions, I can't be sure about it. I also mentioned that I may be emotionally unavailable, and I don't want to feel like I can't love her the way she deserves and wants me to. She accepted it, saying we can still try, and I'm not really sure how it happened, but I agreeded to it, and I feel completely lost.

I keep on unintentionally creating scenarios where I'm breaking up with her, which is something I did in my last relationship as well, before I figured out I might be on the aromantic spectrum, so I suppose it's not a good sign. One part of my brain tells me I should immediately break up with her, in order to not 'get stuck' in a relationship that's literally eating me alive (in the sense that it's not letting me live in peace, because I get so stressed thinking about it), but the other one keeps telling me that maybe I should stay in it, to see where it'll lead me, because what's the worst thing that could happen?

Anyways; I'm not really sure what I wanted to achieve by making this post. I guess I was looking for some kind of advice...? So if anyone has ever been in a similar situation, or felt something similar, or just wants to say something, I'd be glad to hear it.

 

UPDATE (in case anyone's interested): We talked it out!! I won't go into details, because we decided to keep those private, but I just wanted to thank everyone who has read/replied to this post!! ^^

Edited February 11 by Keith

[MondoBilby]

Maybe try talking to her about everything you feel here. She seems like an understanding person, I'm sure you two could work something out. 

Sorry you're in this situation though, I hope you find a solution even if it's different from what I suggested.

[Keith]

3 hours ago, MondoBilby said:

Maybe try talking to her about everything you feel here. She seems like an understanding person, I'm sure you two could work something out. 

Sorry you're in this situation though, I hope you find a solution even if it's different from what I suggested.

Thank you for the reply!! I think that's what I'm going to do. 💗💗

[Estelar]

I agree you can go for it and see how things develop from there. You have already told her the situation and it seems she understands you, so if she accepts that, there is nothing wrong with trying it. It might also be a good opportunity for both of you to figure out what you are actually interested in and what you are looking for in a relationship. Also, you might want to talk with her about your concerns of breaking up before getting stuck in a relationship.

There is one other thing you may want to be aware of: If it does not go well and you still have to break up, it might impact your friendship, because the situation might be awkward later, or someone feels the other one was not sufficiently invested or treated them inappropriately. You might want to also express that you see this as a trial with uncertain outcome but wish to keep her friendship in any case. It seems you are communicating well, so this should be doable.

Bottom line: If I were in your situation, I would do the same and give it a try.