Demisexual-Aromantic spectrum confusion...

[Guest Onyx]

Ok I'm not sure how relevant this is to most of the community but I seriously need help from my aro-acespec elders here. I can't for the life of me distinguish the difference between the romantic attraction I feel for fictional characters, specifically Draco Malfoy. ( I can't be the only one who thinks he might be somewhere along the graro spectrum right?) and the strong platonic attraction I feel for my femme friends. What complicates matters is that many of them show their affection through touch and I'm seriously confused because straight ppl, specifically femmes also do this to the extent that I spent a good portion of an entire year thinking 2 girls were dating when they were best friends. I have little to no idea what constitutes someone crushing on me and normal affectionate friend behavior, and I'm absolutely terrified of leading people on. I'm also demisexual, so that's fun af. Basically, I have no idea when people are crushing on me or are just being affectionate, and have a whole lot of trouble identifying the difference between romantic and platonic attraction especially amid my femme friends. What has happened to me before is that I've mistaken a squish for a crush and ended up in an almost 7 month romantic relationship with a person I didn't like that way at all. It made things not that great when I began to realize why I couldn't recipriocate the feelings she had for me and subconciously started to pull away. It was a pretty good friendship, and as someone who lives in mortal terror and confusion constantly about romantic relationships that aren't fictional, I seriously value my friends. I'm beginning to worry that what happened in the aforementioned scenario is happening again and I'm scared that I'll ruin a wonderful friendship with my inability to figure stuff out. This was kind of a long post but it's a whole thing so any help would be deeply appreciated!!! 

 

[Froggodraws]

Damn. That sounds really complicated, and I’m sorry you’re going through all that. 
 

Maybe it’s best to take space from dating until you feel like you’re in a better place? Not sure.  Or you can let your potential partner how you’re feeling…? I think that communication is a HUGE part of relationships (romantic or not). It’s definitely not easy to be vulnerable but I believe that it can be totally worth it! 

[hemogoblin]

How do you feel about just trying to communicate to people about it and asking them directly? It's hard even for allos to read those cues. Communication is honestly the best way to go about things, if the other person is willing to be a bit vulnerable with you. It will help if you're willing to offer some vulnerability first.