Help?

[Guest Katie]

Hey. I'm 27 years old and have never had a crush, never wanted to be with anyone in any relationship kind of way but still feel like I should because I constantly asked about my relationship status (they don't care if it's male or female). My one sexual experience was fine but after I only wanted to get away  especially when he seemed to cling. But I'm super conflicted because I want at least 1 kid in my future and I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to have the relationship that brings that about nor the financial means to be a single mom . Plus I'm not really a fan of growing old alone. But I feel uncomfortable when people make it clear they like me and I either ghost (which I know I shitty...) or start to distance myself. I guess I'd just love some life advice from people who may actually know what I am sort of going through. Also I'll put this out there, I think I'm an aromatic bisexual.

[who_knocks]

I felt something similar. I always thought I wanted a partner and kids when I got older (never had a crush either, just picked someone randomly because I thought that's what everyone did), but when people started expressing feelings for me in high school it made me uncomfortable and I absolutely did start ghosting them just out of the anxiety that came of it. I was in denial for a while, but I identify as aromantic now.

Personally, I don't think I need a partner to be happy as long as I have a friend and family, or even just a hobby I love, but you definitely don't have to grow old alone if you don't want to. There are dedicated friends you can find, maybe someone else aromantic, too, that you can spend time with. If you've heard of QPRs you might be interested in that sort of partnership. As for having a kid, that can be tough financially. Maybe if you do meet a friend you would want to co-parent with you could make it work.

[hemogoblin]

22 hours ago, Guest Katie said:

But I'm super conflicted because I want at least 1 kid in my future and I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to have the relationship that brings that about nor the financial means to be a single mom .

There are different legal systems out there for various options (and some may even try opting out of involving legalities if they trust who is involved), but there are people who have children with willing donors by means other than IVF or surrogacy or whatnot. Like, the "turkey baster" is a thing because people actually do that. Some people even have platonic sex for the purpose of kids with willing partners. There may be more options out there than you know.

There's also non-parent ways to have kids in your life, such as volunteering with organizations like Big Siblings or being the cool aunt/uncle/cousin/mentor to friend's kids. It's not the same as being a parent, but it can bring a joy that helps fill that need.

But also, yeah, we don't always get what we want in life. And that sucks! You just gotta let yourself grieve as best as possible. I'm sorry.

22 hours ago, Guest Katie said:

I guess I'd just love some life advice from people who may actually know what I am sort of going through.

Keep working to understand, respect, and prioritize your needs. It's okay to seek out casual, short-term sex if that's what you want. There's a ton of atypical and relationship relationship anarchical relationship types that reading up on may give you some ideas of how you want to approach relationships (which can mean, also, not really approaching them). Just because amatonormativity has presented us with one option doesn't mean there aren't other options out there if you're willing to get creative!

Feelings are hard, especially when you have conflicting and contradicting ones. But I would say expand your horizons. There may be more ways out there for you to have your needs met that you don't even realize yet. =)

Good luck!