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Am I Aro?

Guest Jonny

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I'm 24 and recently had my first romantic relationship. I always thought I wanted a relationshipt but when I finally got in one, I just felt weird about everything. Things like kissing her or even cuddling made me feel uncomfortable. When she would ask if I wanted to come over, I secretly didn't want to go. I was hoping it was just relationship jitters, but when she broke up with me, I honestly felt relieved. Now, when I look into the future, I don't see myself in a serious relationship or getting married. I know I'm not asexual because I'm still attracted to women but as far as relationships, I don't see the need see the need anymore.

Please help me.

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Only you can determine what you are. You certainly could be aromantic! Aroallos (aromantic allosexuals) certainly exist.

So aromanticism can either be defined by not experiencing romantic attraction, or not having romantic desire. Or both. Romantic attraction would be like.... crushes and stuff, or having romantic feelings when in a relationship. The desire would be more like the desire to have a romantic relationship. Some aros define themselves on one or the other.
Desire without (romantic) attraction is referred to as cupioromantic, and romantic attraction without romantic desire is referred to as lithromantic. And of course, some aros have neither.

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  • 4 weeks later...

i had a similar experience to yours. in middle school i thought i had a crush on this person, but as soon as we started dating everything felt wrong and uncomfortable. (it wasn’t much of an actual “relationship,” given that it was middle school,, but it was enough to trigger those feelings haha). for the month or so we “dated” i could not shake how bad i felt, not only because of the relationship but also because i was “supposed” to be happy. i chose to break up with him, and doing so felt like a weight off my chest. although, i think the bad feelings did stay for awhile afterwards. it did a number on me😅 afterwards, similar to you, i simply could not picture myself in a romantic relationship.

it still took me a few years to realize i was aro, but that was definitely a turning point for me that did help me realize my aromanticism in the end. whether that means you’re aro or not i can’t say, but don’t be afraid of trying out labels (or ditching them if they don’t serve you)! 

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I experienced something very similar to you. I started dating a guy because I thought I should, but in that context I felt very uncomfortable and reluctant to hang out with him. Honestly, I felt uncomfortable as soon as I knew he liked me, even though he acted the same as always. I felt very relieved when we broke up and I feel no drive to search for a relationship in the future. This is what led me to identify as aromantic.

Like everyone said, though, only you can define yourself. Hopefully my story can help you in some way! Also there is no pressure to label yourself, you can always simply  approach situations however you feel like handling them as they come if that it more comfortable for you. If you don't see a need for a romantic relationship, don't make yourself seek one out. Taking time to just let the idea of aromanticism sit in my head definitely helped me figure some things out.

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