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Is there anyone out there...?


Lieden

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I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish by writing this. I'm feeling really alone right now I guess and maybe I'm just looking for validation and community. Regardless, I'm putting myself out there. I have only recently settled in with the aromantic identity, I always have been aro but only now do I have the words for it. I attempted 2 romantic relationships, naturally they failed, but lucky for me both of those people were cool enough to be cool about it. My first ex is supposed to be my best friend, and they are, but just like many other aro people I feel them drifting away from me and having less time for me. Because they are now in a relationship with my other ex, all due to me getting them together. I tell myself that I am happy for the two of them, but deep down I'm not. I want my best friend back. And I feel bad for feeling that because it feels selfish. And now that I know for sure that I'm aro I fell lost on what I can do. I know things aren't going back to the way things were, but how do I move forward? I keep trying to figure out how I can achieve what I want. I want a relationship, I used to describe it as "a best friend who can also be my cuddle buddy." Now I have the words to express that it is just a queerplatonic relationship that I want. But why does it have to be so hard? Being aro just brings my potential partners down so much. How do I find people? I just want to not feel alone anymore. 

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Can I give you the biggest internet hug ever?

I can't say that I know where exactly you can find a QPR, but Tumblr is great and I think that Arocalypse has a section for it too. Please know that you are definitely not alone!

Funny, but I can relate to this a whole lot. A few months ago I had a mini breakdown thinking that I was toxic and selfish because I wanted a best friend all to myself to love, but that it probably would never happen. At the time I had no idea I was aromantic but once I learned about QPRs I was able to make the connection. If my best friend were to enter a relationship I would also feel a bit jealous not at all because I want to date them but because... ykw between attention and time it's difficult to explain without sounding really toxic :,)

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For some years ago I had a relationship with a married polyamorous woman. I thought that a poly form of relation would make me feel less pressure than a monogam one, as I cannot give romantic verification and is also acespec. But instead I felt concurred out by my girlfriend's romantic crushes and sexual relationships. My girlfriend and her husband also felt like a family for me and when they moved to my girlfriend's new love, I felt replaced by this person. This felt really bad for me, even though it happened after that I had ended the relationship with my girlfriend. In the end of the relationship, I also grieved that I never could be something more than a third wheel, always secondary to my girlfriend's husband. I guess that what I learned from this, is that aro's needs of closeness isn't less important than other's.

Edited by Sad aro
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On 7/16/2023 at 10:21 PM, Lieden said:

 I want a relationship, I used to describe it as "a best friend who can also be my cuddle buddy." Now I have the words to express that it is just a queerplatonic relationship that I want. But why does it have to be so hard? Being aro just brings my potential partners down so much. How do I find people? I just want to not feel alone anymore. 

Answer: C  A  T

seriously, if you feel lonely just get a pet to hang out with.

Edited by SwiftySpeedy
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I wish I could help you, but I don't think I am capable of doing so. But keep in mind that I'm crossing my fingers for you!! I really hope you'll be able to find the QPR of your dreams, and that you'll manage to be happy!! :DD

I'm not sure if it makes you feel better, but I know how you feel. Being aro can be a real struggle in a society where romance is so valued.

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