Jump to content

To date or not


Holmbo

Recommended Posts

The recent year I've been thinking about maybe dating but I'm not sure. I'll write some of my experience and others could give their opinions or share some experiences of your own.


I haven't been on a date in about 9 years, since the time I figured out I was aromantic. Back when I did date the pattern was usually the same. The first date was enjoyable most of the time. We'd have a good time talking and perhaps make out a bit which I really like. But by the third date, if we got that far, I'd feel really bored and kinda trapped. I also never had a good sexual experience for anything beyond making out. I'm not sure if that is because I was inexperienced and didn't know about my asexuality though. Since then I've started to explore my own body and I enjoy masturbation.

I'm considering trying out some online dating apps because I feel it might be a good way to more deliberately search for people with similar values as me. I consider myself a relationship anarchist and single for life. It would be nice to meet others with that mindset but I'm concerned that at the end of the day most people just go on dating apps to get romance or sex. The former is repulsive to me and the later I'm kinda positive to in theory but it's not a priority for me at all. I know I could just try it out and see but setting it up and looking around takes time and energy, so I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What of your needs would dating fill? If you can answer yourself that question, it maybe gets easier for you to make the decision if you should date or not. Here are some alternatives if you decide to date (the first choice I've got myself):

-Continue going to common dating apps. The advantage is the number of people and then the odds to find someone with similar interests. The disadvantage is the risk to scare away people with your a-specness though most of the people on the common apps aren't aspec. But you could tell them you're aspec and your aspec needs in a way that focuses on what you feel for people instead if what you don't feel, and say that your lack of attraction isn't personal but the way you work in general.

-Only date other aspecs. For example, by searching for QPR:s in the community.

-Date poly people. My experience is that they are more open to relationships with aspecs than general, and don't think that aspecs are so different that other people think.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks @Sad aro

I think the reason I'm not sure about it is I just don't have the information. I'm thinking maybe dating would be an effective way to meet more people with similar values as me who wants to form new connections. But as I put it I'm concerned that pretty much everyone only dates for romance or sex. I feel like the only way to find out would be to try it but it's a lot of work to choose apps, create profile, meet up with people, I'm not sure it's worth the time since it might likely come to nothing. But at the same time I won't know unless I try.

 

@Sad aro

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...