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Questioning my romantic orientation— possibly aroflux?

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Hello, this my first time in this site. I really need some help figuring out my romantic orientation, so all advice is welcome!

Am I really aro?

I’m very confused. As a kid and through my early teen years, I had a lot of crushes. Very stereotypical crushes too, I would definitely define myself as alloromantic at that point. I ended up crushing on this one kid at 13, let’s call him “E,” and it lasted for at least three years. (Although over time, the crush got less intense after I stopped seeing E around). I’m almost 18, and I haven’t had a crush since. After I stopped crushing on E, I had a brief period where I was kind of done with romance— I didn’t want to get married or have a boyfriend (I thought it didn’t sound worth it lol). 

It’s been around two years since I first developed my crush on E, and I haven’t had another crush since. I’ve seen boys that I’ve been physically attracted too, but my romantic feelings have remained elusive. Before, it pretty much went hand in hand for me. The people I was most physically attracted to were the people I also had romantic feelings for. And yet now I have no romantic feelings at all!! I did have one very brief stint where I felt crush-like feelings to a different guy after E, but it was pretty short and I actually became romance-repulsed to the guy, although I was still nervous around him.

I found the label aroflux and was very happy with it, because it explained my changes in attraction, but now I’m not so sure. Can I still identify as aroflux when it seems like I’ve only had one major change (from alloromantic to somewhere in the aro spectrum?) It seems like most aroflux people have major changes quite frequently, unlike me. But what other label fits me? Even though I feel cupioromantic/demiromantic right now, I’ve had “love at first sight” crushes in the past. Now I’m wondering if I’m even aro at all, and just haven’t happened to had a crush in a while, which would honestly really bum me out, bc this community has been so welcoming and understanding. Anyway, thank you for reading this essay. All advice is welcome!!

PS- I don’t know if this clears anything up, but (with some exceptions) I also find romance to be generally annoying in books/tv shows. It just feels so cliché and unnecessary, and often underdeveloped.


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I'm aroflux and My 'aro-ness' does change a lot and I kind of have a crush on someone rn. Idt that means I'm not aro-spec though. If you feel comfortable using the aroflux label, then you should. :)

45 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

I don’t fully know the whole aro flux label or what specifically makes it that way

It means someone whose orientation fluctuates along the aro spectrum but it can also mean fluctuating along the aro and allo spectrums. I depends on the person. :)

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  • 8 months later...

Hey... I kinda relate to what you are feeling but I'm also questionning

Before High School I wasn't really interressted in romance, then in my 10th grade I started wanting it but I hadn't any crush, just some guys that I found sexually attractive. I was patient beacause I was like "well, this is the start, don't worry your turn will come one day and you'll find the one"

And the two next years I had 4 crush (one of them was at first sight), and the strongest one lasted for one year and half (It ended up arround july 2023). So I know how it feel to have a crush and I think it's amazing ! (Maybe I'm overreacting ?) And btw I LOVE romance on shows, in books and everything. I never felt romance-repulsed.

And ever since I didn't have any crush, even tho I moved to do my college studies and I met plenty of new people. I found some guys attractive but I can't really imagine myself seriously with them and having feelings for them.

I started questionning a few month ago and after some research, I found this post, and thank you for this. Sooo... Im' wondering if I also did like a "one major change" or if I just don't get a crush this often. Today I don't even know how i'm supposed to feel when I think of someone in a romantic way. So yeah, maybe I turned cupioromantic/demiromantic too.

But that's not all ! Beacause here's come my Insane fear of coping/faking to only feel more "special" even if I know it's stupid and goes against my interests beacause I wanna fall in love again 🥲 And that fear makes me doubt of every single thought on that subject...

It has only been like 6 months since I hadn't another crush, so for now (and also beacause of my fear of faking all of this), I decided to say that I just didn't met anyone that fits me and that I'll wait and see what will happen, even if I still think of this almost everyday

So thank you for sharing your experience, I think it helps me to know that i'm not alone feeling this... Or not, maybe it's not even a similar thing and I'm just a random guy seeking for attention, I don't f*cking know... If someone could help me to know what I am, I would really appreciate, and thank you for reading

(Also sorry for the mistakes and repetitions, English is not my main tongue)

Edited by ShinyRainbow
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