im aroflux and i dont know if any of my "crushes" were actually crushes...?

[gay vermin boi]

so i just kind of realized that my "crushes" in the past may have not been crushes... i think i might have just fixated on the person and thought it was a crush so i could focus on them and not have to think about any issues about myself or other things. i guess i might just feel that the people i have liked were just... safe people? or at least most of them were just like people i felt/feel extremely comfortable with but i dont really know anymore and i hate that i cant tell if i have ever really liked anyone or stuff like that. i dont know why i cant figure out and i was wondering if anyone else had anything similar that they figured out?

[hemogoblin]

I've found the more in the past something was, the harder it is to analyze it. Personally, I would just let go of this question and focus on any current feelings you have or any feelings that crop up. Does it really matter if you had or didn't have crushes in the past? Don't label them at all OR label them however makes you most comfortable. The further removed we are from an experience, the harder it becomes to remember how it really felt. The more you think on this, the more unsure you'll become. Practice letting yourself accept unsureness. There is nothing you can do to travel into the past and diagnose your feelings for 100% sure. No one can diagnose your feelings. They're something personal to you that only you can label. Feel free to call them crushes because that's what you felt at the time with the information you had available to you. Feel free to disregard them completely. Feel free to decide that with the information you have now, you've never had a crush. But you're going to have to pick one because there is no way to put these feelings through some test and get an objective answer. Feelings are not objective. Sorry!

Edited April 28, 2023 by hemogoblin
for clarity

[Samantha Kaut]

I 100% agree with the statement above. At the end of the day, no one else can determine how you feel and no one can invalidate how you feel. Sadly, we do live in a world where people will invalidate how you feel, but just remember to embrace the uncertainty. It's so easy to compare yourself to your friends and their experiences, but how is that supposed to help you? i am in the same boat as you. I would like to say i have had crushes, and I consider them crushes, but since there was never a romantic relationship that came out of it, i constantly question if i am on the aromantic spectrum. I've never craved a romantic relationship with someone or had a deep desire for one. don't worry too much about the past and focus on the present and who you meet! Become more aware of your desires and what you want to experience and stick to that, because you are a human and your experience is valid (I need to take my own advice lol!)