"Who am I" vs. "What steps do I want to take"

[Fox]

Hi all, hope you're doing well.

I've been thinking about gender a lot and wanted to share some revelations I'm finally able to put into words. (Disclaimer: This is by no means everyone's experience, this is just mine and my thoughts on it. There are many valid ways to question and label oneself.)

I've struggled with finding a label to describe my gender for many years. I felt very pressured to have a label, and this caused me some distress. I realized though that gender, regardless of whether one is cis or trans or in between, could be less about having an exact label and more about what steps you find helpful to take. No judgement at all to those who like labels; I realize it brings joy to many and that is totally cool! It just wasn't the case for me for a while, and if it's not the case for you too, that's okay. I found it helpful to focus on what I actually wanted to do with my gender identity and expression. For example, asking myself "Do I want to go by different pronouns? A different name? Do I want to medically transition?" was immensely more helpful in understanding myself (and thus deriving a label) as opposed to starting right off the bat with the big question of "what am I?" 

Idk, I just found this cool and wanted to share. I'm sure stuff like this is floating around out there but I just wanted to add my thoughts to it.

[Isa1116]

Thx! That helps. I've been feeling like this too. And I also hope you're doing ok :)

[Queerdo]

The task of defining who I will be five years from now is way too intimidating for me to tackle, so I've been working on who I want to be next year. I can commit to making changes that will (hopefully) improve my life next year without taking on the expectations of committing to binary transition or passing.

[CatNap]

On 4/8/2023 at 5:32 PM, Fox said:

Hi all, hope you're doing well.

I've been thinking about gender a lot and wanted to share some revelations I'm finally able to put into words. (Disclaimer: This is by no means everyone's experience, this is just mine and my thoughts on it. There are many valid ways to question and label oneself.)

I've struggled with finding a label to describe my gender for many years. I felt very pressured to have a label, and this caused me some distress. I realized though that gender, regardless of whether one is cis or trans or in between, could be less about having an exact label and more about what steps you find helpful to take. No judgement at all to those who like labels; I realize it brings joy to many and that is totally cool! It just wasn't the case for me for a while, and if it's not the case for you too, that's okay. I found it helpful to focus on what I actually wanted to do with my gender identity and expression. For example, asking myself "Do I want to go by different pronouns? A different name? Do I want to medically transition?" was immensely more helpful in understanding myself (and thus deriving a label) as opposed to starting right off the bat with the big question of "what am I?" 

Idk, I just found this cool and wanted to share. I'm sure stuff like this is floating around out there but I just wanted to add my thoughts to it.

This was really helpful.