rin Posted April 4, 2023 Share Posted April 4, 2023 hi, im rin and i want to have a romantic relationship but i think i cant love people in a romantic way. i adored romantic films and books my whole life and i always dreamed about having a life like that but now i dont think it can happen in the future. i hate this so muuch. ive never liked people in a romantic way. sure i think some of them are attractive and i would like to kiss them but when i got into a relationship about half a year ago it didnt feel right. and my partner was my best friend and i liked them very much but i think they loved me and i didnt love them back and this made me feel really guilty about the situation. and it happened twice now i just ended another relationship because i was so stupid and i thought it wont happen again and i can date people. deep down i knew that its a bad idea and i already questioned if i could feel any romantic attraction, but im so eager for love all the time and i really wanted to try it again. i wasnt right and it was so awful to tell somebody who is in love with me that i cant see them more than as a friend. i want to but i dont know how. how can i have a romantic relationship with somebody if i cant have any romantic interest in them? it feels like lying and i hate it and i want to be in love so much. if anybody has any some advice please let me know! (also english isnt my first language so i apologize for my mistakes) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox Posted April 4, 2023 Share Posted April 4, 2023 2 hours ago, rin said: how can i have a romantic relationship with somebody if i cant have any romantic interest in them? it feels like lying and i hate it and i want to be in love so much. if anybody has any some advice please let me know! In the cases where you did have a romantic relationship, did the other person know you weren't alloromantic from the start? The best way to not feel like you're lying is to just tell them, and communicate how you can't feel romantic love but you still want a romantic relationship. And I mean, communicate before a romantic relationship starts/when it starts. This might be confusing to many alloromantics, especially if they've had no exposure to the aromantic community, but if you can find someone that understands, you might be able to get what you want. I don't know how easy it is to find someone like that, but most alloros expect reciprocity in romantic love, so it could be difficult. I have another question for you. How important is it that the relationship is labeled romantic vs. doing traditionally romantic things with that person? Do you need the relationship to be called romantic and for the other person to feel romantic love for you? Or do you want a relationship where you do romantic things, such as kiss, cuddle, call each other partners, etc. without needing it to be inherently romantic, but still is very committed with a deep connection? If the latter is true, you could look into queerplatonic relationships. If you want a QPR it might be easier with another aro-spec person, but that's up to you and what you want out of a relationship. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atypique Posted April 4, 2023 Share Posted April 4, 2023 The best thing is to explain how your feeling to the person. It's always better if someone tells you te truth, tells you that they really wanted to love you, but that it's not possible for them, than you just imagining things or discovering them later. There are plenty of possibilities for relationships ! You can have really close binds with some people, and be in some kind of relationship without it being romantic. I'm sure you'd be able to find some people out there that want something similar to what you want. In the end, best thing is communication ! You need to find out what you want, what is important to you, what are your limits, in order to say it to others. Then you'll know about theirs, and you'll be able to deal with it ! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isa1116 Posted April 5, 2023 Share Posted April 5, 2023 I know that the other people already said this but, I think a QPR might be a good idea for you! Though I think that depends on if you want the person to love you romantically or not. Anyways, I really hope you can figure it out! :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 7, 2023 Share Posted April 7, 2023 On 4/4/2023 at 11:05 AM, rin said: hi, im rin and i want to have a romantic relationship but i think i cant love people in a romantic way. i adored romantic films and books my whole life and i always dreamed about having a life like that but now i dont think it can happen in the future. i hate this so muuch. ive never liked people in a romantic way. sure i think some of them are attractive and i would like to kiss them but when i got into a relationship about half a year ago it didnt feel right. and my partner was my best friend and i liked them very much but i think they loved me and i didnt love them back and this made me feel really guilty about the situation. and it happened twice now i just ended another relationship because i was so stupid and i thought it wont happen again and i can date people. deep down i knew that its a bad idea and i already questioned if i could feel any romantic attraction, but im so eager for love all the time and i really wanted to try it again. i wasnt right and it was so awful to tell somebody who is in love with me that i cant see them more than as a friend. i want to but i dont know how. how can i have a romantic relationship with somebody if i cant have any romantic interest in them? it feels like lying and i hate it and i want to be in love so much. if anybody has any some advice please let me know! (also english isnt my first language so i apologize for my mistakes) I can relate to this as well. I'm still figuring things out because I do want to be in love with a person but in my past relationships they fell for me but I didn't connect with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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