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Is what I’m describing a QPR?


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This is kinda an odd and long question, but I just had to ask it. I’ve been so confused (and sorta embarrassed) about this whole ordeal, and I need to know if others have had a similar experience or just have advice to give. 
Anyway, I’ve told one of my closest friends that I’m on the aromatic spectrum and probably the asexual spectrum too. And I sort of recently told him that I like him, but not in the traditional “let’s date and kiss and have sex” kind of way. I have described it to him as like I want to raise kids together (unbiological) but as friends, or live together; sleep in the same bed, but as friends. Hell, even get married but as friends and in a friend way.
I’ve talked about this with him, the best I can, and he’s seems ok with it for the most part, but I’m not sure how to actually go about this sort of relationship and build upon it. I also don’t want to confine him to a “loveless” relationship, and keep him tied down to a potentially unfulfilling one, as he’s not on the a-spectrum in anyway.

Really I’m just asking if anyone can assure me in anyway that what I’m describing is a QPR, or something else, and how exactly I should talk about this with my friend. 
Thank you 🙏❤️

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So the reason that people find queerplatonic relationships so hard to understand is that the are purposefully vague and unconstrained. They are meant to be anti-amatonormative, so even though the relationship is committed on some level, it's not meant to simply be an alternative hierarchical category. It's a queering of our understanding of relationships. They are open and vague. Your qpr, if you should so desire one, can be what you want. There is a reason "queer" is an important part of the term and "quasiplatonic" never really caught on.

Here are people's thoughts on their own qprs.

But the point to take away is that, much like identity, a qpr is a relationship that is queerplatonic because it has been defined as such. It can be monogamous, it can be open, it can be polyamorous, it can be non-sexual, it can be sexual, it can involve coparenting, it can be childfree, it can exist in addition to romantic relationships, etc.

Would you like to potentially label the relationship as queerplatonic? Or does committed friendship/platonic commitment/platonic marriage sound better to you?

Just like no one can label your orientation or gender for you, nor can they label your relationships for you.

You have really good questions and concerns! As someone you'd like to have some sort of commitment with, these are really good questions to spend some time thinking about your own preferences and desires, give him time to think about his own answers, and discuss this together. Communication is important for relationships to thrive. You don't have to have all the answers on your own. Share what you think, make room for his feelings, and work through this together.

Good luck!

Edited by hemogoblin
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  • 1 month later...

Like Hemogoblin said, a qpr is a qpr because you've decided that that's what you want it to be. I -- or anyone else on this server -- can't tell you what is or isn't one. However, I can tell you that if you do want it to be one, you should bring it up with your friend, and see what he thinks. Communicate what you want, and your worries and fears about him getting tired of it, and even that you're not sure how to begin. He might not know either, but he'll at least be able to help, most likely

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