Comeing out

[Guest user]

Hey 

For context I'm an aro ace teen

 

I've came out to a few people one my cousin F15 infact if I bring her up again il call her that I told her because she made a joke about the possibility and i already wanted to tell her we are close  then I told my other cousin F14 because she's bi and came out to everyone so it was only fair I at least told her other than that I've told the internet and kids at school why not just tell my parents well I'm my father's only son and he doesbt have brothers so I'm the only one who can spread the last name and idk why I don't tell my mom I'm just nervous I guess the point of this question however wasn't to tell my story it was to ask how your comeing out experience was so when I decide to i do it right

 

Thanks to the mod who approves or dissaproves this I know it's a lot of words 

 

 

[Reindeermilk]

I’m not my mother’s/father’s only son, but I can understand that that must be a huge weight on your shoulder, especially if it’s a serious issue in your coming out experience. 
I can’t tell you the wrong or right way to do it, but the advice I can give is to tell the parent you trust the most, and ask them how the other would take it. If the response is negative, you can go from there, but if it’s positive then it’s probably safe to say it’d be ok to come out. 
And also, coming out doesn’t need to be rushed. If you’re scared to do it, then maybe you should wait a little while before you’re secure and confident in yourself. 
 

Please don’t just take anyone’s advice from the internet though. Only you know what’s best for you. ❤️

[hemogoblin]

I'm sorry your parents are putting unfair and undue pressure on you to procreate and "spread the name". That's actually really possessive (you're not an object!), inappropriate, unfair, wrong, and cruel of them. You do not exist to breed. You do not exist to populate the world with the dominance of your surname. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are (like your personality and how you treat other people).

I never really told my parents I was aro because I didn't discover it until into adulthood and by that time, I was over coming out to them. My mom has many issues, but thankfully respecting my autonomy has generally never been one, and she's never pressured me to get married or have kids. My father, who was COMPLETELY emotionally absent during my childhood, has been making comments recently freaking out about having no one to pass on his family name (yay misogyny tied in to that as well). I've been practicing saying, "It's really hurtful when you act like my purpose is to give you grandchildren, and I need you to stop bringing this up or I'll stop coming around" so that I can actually say it next time he complains.

I did come out to my mom as ace when I was a teen (not my dad because he made it clear he didn't care to know things about me or be involved in my life). It could have gone better, but it didn't go terribly. She did tell me to keep an open mind and not stick to this if I felt differently later, but she did also have a level-headed discussion hearing me out and overall left me alone about it afterwords. That's, unfortunately, about the best I could hope for.

There's definitely a freedom that comes with coming out most of the time, but I will also just gently remind you that you don't need to come out to set a boundary (like "I'm not going to sit around for conversations pressuring me to date and get married; I will live my life on my own timeline" - though you're definitely safer and more able to do this as an independent adult and not as a minor!) or to talk about how you feel ("it makes me feel unappreciated when you pressure me to start dating. I'm [doing really well in school, focusing on becoming an engineer, writing a book, becoming a solid artist, really happy with where I'm at right now], but whenever you bring up dating, I feel like none of that is good enough. I feel like I'm not good enough.").

Edited January 28, 2023 by hemogoblin