Trying to figure myself out

[Indigo_Rabbit]

Almost a month ago, I realized I was lithromantic. Now I'm still trying to figure things out and I'm really confused. For one, People keep saying it's just commitment issues and I can't figure out if I really do have issues or I'm lithromantic. I lose feelings once they like me back and sometimes I lose those feelings instantly but sometimes it takes a few hours or even a whole day. I also want a relationship with that person until other people find out we might date because it feels weird having other people knowing. 

Also can someone explain Cupioromantic to me because I searched it up but I still don't completely understand it?

Any advice is great and sorry if it sounds like I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm still new to this. Thanks!

[S-Hawk]

cupioromantic describes a romance favorable aro for short. basically being you experience little to no romantic attraction but you desire a romantic relationship. here are some threads i found regarding cupioromanticism

• thread on aven; defining cupioromantic
• thread on arocalypse; cupioromantic thread
• arospec wiki; defining cupioromantic
• helpful website; defining cupioromantic + explain cupioromantic experiences

[rationalcucumber]

I think even if it is just commitment issues, that's still a valid way of being aro. It's not about the cause, it's about that you currently experience romantic attraction in that way. If you feel comfortable with the label, then I don't see why you couldn't use it. It's just a descriptor used to help you describe your experiences, not a diagnosis

[hemogoblin]

I think the difference between an "issue" and an identity in these contexts is your feelings on it. Does identifying as lithromantic help you (describe your feelings, connect with a community you can relate to, feel like you belong, etc.)? Do you want to identify as lithromantic? Are these feelings you accept that you have and will likely continue to have, even if they upset or frustrate you - or are these feelings you would like to seek professional help to try and change? Are these feelings you reject to a point where it would bring you upset or pain to identify as lithromantic?

But I personally think of "issues" in this context as choices rather than feelings. Ie, you maintain attraction to someone but choose to not pursue a relationship out of fear/anxiety of intimacy. I also don't think not wanting to, not being able to, or not being ready for commitment inherently translates to an "issue" (which has quite negative connotations). That's a very amatonormative perspective people are feeding you.

Also remember that it's okay if a label is indeed a phase. It's okay to identify as lithromantic right now, even if you later outgrow the label and it no longer suits you. That doesn't invalidate how you feel now.