I can’t tell if I’m cupio or just ace

[EternallyTBD]

I’ve been struggling with this for a little while now, hopefully someone can help : )

When I was little I had a “crush” on my best friend as we grew apart and then together and he eventually maybe started to love me back over the course of five-ish years. But more recently I went through some hard times with anxiety and gender and probably depression that was semi-triggered by the realization that maybe I’d never loved him to begin with. 
 

I was just sad for a while but I kept turning back to my desire for a relationship when I fell apart. Then afterwards, when I accepted that I didn’t love him, I would just fall into depression again. Then there were some other kind of romantic moments that could have just been platonic that also mostly involved both of us crying that I probably shouldn’t post online that just made me feel like I was falling apart. But for the most part I was just back where I started. 
 

After my gender revelation, I started thinking about my sexuality. I’d kind of always known I’m ace, but I thought maybe demiromantic for a while, mostly because we’d always been friends and I’d never felt the same way for anyone else. But demi didn’t explain why I’d invented myself a crush, so I turned to cupio and thought “hmm, this makes sense”. But now I’m seeing all of you aros who seem happy and whose posts I see myself in and I think “huh, maybe I’m aro and I don’t have to be sad that I’ll always want something I’ll never feel”. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I wouldn’t really want a romantic relationship if I had the chance, but I still get really lonely sometimes.  
 

So, in conclusion, I am clueless. Also, that was really long so thanks for listening to my problems! Thank you for any advice you might decide to give. 

[S-Hawk]

i think youre probably aro. many aro folks tries to formulate a crush because they dont feel like they fit in an amanormative environment so faking crushes is pretty common in the aro community! youre not alone on this one

if you feel lonely and desires a romantic relationship. do you truly want it to be romantic or do you want it to be a long term platonic relationship? if so then read about queerplatonic relationship. it might just be your ideal relationship

[alto]

Remember that love is love, whether it is romantic or platonic.