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Hey No-Romos!!


Tallow
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I'm new here and I wanted to ask around and see if anyone has had similar experiences to me. So, have any of you felt strong sensual attraction to someone else and mistook it as a crush? Or strong aesthetic/sensual/alterous/whatever else attraction that isn't romantic?

Bonus Point: You got butterflies and nervous around this person. 

If you can't relate to this, that's alright, I'd be glad to meet some new a-spec friends anyway!! :D

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hi! :frog:

9 hours ago, Tallow said:

So, have any of you felt strong sensual attraction to someone else and mistook it as a crush? Or strong aesthetic/sensual/alterous/whatever else attraction that isn't romantic?

Bonus Point: You got butterflies and nervous around this person. 

yeah, I had this big squish on someone and I thought it was romantic attraction even though I knew I didn't want to date them.

and I also had those butterflies so it must be romantic, right?

turns out it wasn't 

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Hello Tallow and welcome to the forums! :aroicecream:
To answer your question: yes, I get intense squishes sometimes wich I mistook for crushes. I then do feel a bit nervous around them, most notably I get really excited.
I get excited when I talk to them or they message me and I love to spend my time with them.
I don't desire to be exclusive with them though, it's just really a hype when I meet someone I like and find interesting. :)

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2 hours ago, alien said:

hi! :frog:

yeah, I had this big squish on someone and I thought it was romantic attraction even though I knew I didn't want to date them.

and I also had those butterflies so it must be romantic, right?

turns out it wasn't 

Omg slayyyyyyy!! We love squishes 🤩
 

37 minutes ago, NotHeartless said:

Hello Tallow and welcome to the forums! :aroicecream:
To answer your question: yes, I get intense squishes sometimes wich I mistook for crushes. I then do feel a bit nervous around them, most notably I get really excited.
I get excited when I talk to them or they message me and I love to spend my time with them.
I don't desire to be exclusive with them though, it's just really a hype when I meet someone I like and find interesting. :)

Hello!!! That's so interesting. Exclusivity is one of the biggest differences I've seen with people separating squishes and crushes. Although I don't think that's how it works for me, it's still really cool to see others coming up with ways to differentiate them. :D

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Hey Tallow! 

14 hours ago, Tallow said:

Bonus Point: You got butterflies and nervous around this person. 

(CW: lots of talk about general discomfort and anxiety)

YES, 100%. I have an anxiety disorder so I think that plays into the nervous feeling a lot. I tend to get more nervous around new people, which I think is true for everyone, but because of how anxious I used to get, it seemed like the feeling was too strong to be "just platonic." This was definitely influenced by how I had seen crushes be portrayed before. Crushes are explained like "I'm in pain but it's enjoyable!" which was very confusing because I was not enjoying myself lol. I think that could have also played a role in me finding out I had anxiety later than I could have because I thought that was just how anxious everyone was.

It made me think I had crushes on friends a lot. That made me uncomfortable and I didn't know why but now I know that I am at least a little romance repulsed most of the time. 

14 hours ago, Tallow said:

have any of you felt strong sensual attraction to someone else and mistook it as a crush? Or strong aesthetic/sensual/alterous/whatever else attraction that isn't romantic?

I love hugging and cuddling and I've never thought of it as romantic for myself. I am definitely very aware of touch coming off as romantic though. I feel like any touch comes off as me trying to flirt or something, which is partially to blame on my anxiety. Even hugging in public can make me feel like people are staring. When I know that the person I'm hugging/cuddling doesn't see it in a romantic context and others don't see it in a romantic context, then I can enjoy physical touch. 

I love being able to talk about these things in a space with other people who might feel the same. It helps work though my feelings. So, thank you for asking about this! 

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1 hour ago, TatzelwurmMilk said:

Hey Tallow! 

(CW: lots of talk about general discomfort and anxiety)

YES, 100%. I have an anxiety disorder so I think that plays into the nervous feeling a lot. I tend to get more nervous around new people, which I think is true for everyone, but because of how anxious I used to get, it seemed like the feeling was too strong to be "just platonic." This was definitely influenced by how I had seen crushes be portrayed before. Crushes are explained like "I'm in pain but it's enjoyable!" which was very confusing because I was not enjoying myself lol. I think that could have also played a role in me finding out I had anxiety later than I could have because I thought that was just how anxious everyone was.

It made me think I had crushes on friends a lot. That made me uncomfortable and I didn't know why but now I know that I am at least a little romance repulsed most of the time.  

Hi Tatzel!!! 

Yeah, that must have been pretty challenging to figure out. A lot of the things that are typically associated with having a crush are also symptoms of like, medical conditions lmao. 

1 hour ago, TatzelwurmMilk said:

I love hugging and cuddling and I've never thought of it as romantic for myself. I am definitely very aware of touch coming off as romantic though. I feel like any touch comes off as me trying to flirt or something, which is partially to blame on my anxiety. Even hugging in public can make me feel like people are staring. When I know that the person I'm hugging/cuddling doesn't see it in a romantic context and others don't see it in a romantic context, then I can enjoy physical touch. 

I love being able to talk about these things in a space with other people who might feel the same. It helps work though my feelings. So, thank you for asking about this! 

Yasssss hugging and cuddling is where it's at!! I hate how it's always supposed to be seen as romantic. I cuddle all the time with friends and there's always just this voice in the back of my mind telling me that they're going to think it's weird or smth because it's "romantic". I've never thought of cuddling as romantic, even with my old partners. Even when my heart was beating really fast or I was enjoying it a lot or blah blah blah. There are no guidelines to if a gesture is romantic or not, no matter now fast your heart is beating or how much your experience lines up to the typical "romantic" experience. If you don't think/intend for something to be romantic, it's not romantic. Period. 

Sorry for that rant lol (which was more or less directed at myself.) I'm glad I could help! 

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  • 1 month later...

ah yes, its happened many times where i would mistake a squish as romantic attraction. i would also mistake "getting butterflies" as just nerves and nothing else

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