Smushes feel like they suck and that sucks

[Jeeperz_]

Internalised amatonormativity sucks. I feel like most people that experience both romantic and sexual attraction have little to no problem fancying the idea of a sexual relationship with someone. However, I find that myself and a lot of people I talk to feel creepy in one way or another about smushes we've had. Of course, you tell anyone about a smush and they usually have the reaction of thinking you're a creep, but it's really that feeling that gets you every time. I hate that smushes are seen in such a negative light compared to what alloromantics feel toward crushes.

[Ikarus]

Hey @Fanz_0__Fire, would you mind explaining what a smush is. Is it another way of saying squish or is it something else ? 
 

 

[Jeeperz_]

2 hours ago, Ikarus said:

would you mind explaining what a smush is

ofc. The best explanation I could find is this. It also has a few other terms

[Ikarus]

There is an interesting youtube essay I watched recently by TheBurgerkrieg on the emotional objectification of men. (At least for men there are some ideas that shed light on this "thinking your a creep feeling" in that video at 41:06) I don’t have any real experience with these feelings myself btw I am just relaying what the video said. 

 

Context of the video

So the video subject matter handles male objectification from an anti-patriarchal perspective, and its inspired from a trans mans tweet. Basically the trans man relays his experience after transitioning from being seen as female to male. The trans poster described it as mourning the loss of a privilege that came with being perceived as a woman that he didn’t realize he had. Basically the video shows the oppression men also face under the patriarchy. 

 

The Creep feeling (sensitive topic; rape) 

This part of the video is not the biggest part by the way but it does come up (this creep feeling is discussed in relation to heterosexuals). The essayist took an extracurricular sex ed class which went over consent. The way the class went over it was very detrimental for him. His young brain at the time took the message as (your sexual desires are inherently dangerous to the woman you want to have sex with) Some comments said they related to this feeling, and described it as (being repulsed by the idea that you would make someone feel unsafe) Flirting, even complementing someones clothes cause some people to have strong negative internal feelings. 

 

Of course woman should take precautions around men because there are some dangerous people out there. Just wanted to say that. 

 

The Non Romantic part Compounds the already present Shameful Creep feeling

Once you remove the romantic aspect from it people are left with only their sexual desires which some people see as (inherently dangerous and threatening to others). Whats more if you just express interest in someone sexually but not romantically people may think you are a very disturbed person. They may think you are a pervert who just wants to take advantage of others for your own selfish benefit, you are incapable of experiencing intimacy, you aren’t human, and all that jazz. 

@Fanz_0__Fire I wonder if by chance any of the people you talked to where woman and expressed a creepy feeling. Where most of them men? 

 

[Jeeperz_]

2 hours ago, Ikarus said:

I wonder if by chance any of the people you talked to where woman and expressed a creepy feeling. Where most of them men? 

It'd be hard to say. I think the majority of them were men, yes. I really appreciate this as well. It makes a lot of good points,  thanks

[Deltalorian]

I have a similar feeling towards my libido. It feels inherently dirty, or just outright wrong to have it, and that it makes me a lesser person because I do.