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Constant doubt over my identity + should i talk about it with my counselor?

Guest Anonymous


The words are kinda hard to put for this stuff, but somehow i'm constantly doubting myself for being aroace.

Like, i know i should feel happy that I've found myself, but in some small way, i get the feeling of "what if i get a crush later on in life?" "am i just faking it?"

And it gets worse as I enter further into highschool, knowing that the social pressures of romance and sex are literally like creeping up on me. I get i shouldn't feel the need to fit in if I genuinely don't, but I'm constantly getting the idea that one day, somehow, I'll understand what a crush feels like. I'll understand everything, despite literally not relating to romance right now as I speak.

Even my old friends who are also in highschool (not my HS, but whatever) talked about crushes and stuff around me and I wanted to find a way to participate, but if I can't find any common ground, how can I? I'm kinda bad at socialization (which i'm always striving to improve, since i have so little friends atm), but if people start talking romance, how the fuck do I just switch the conversation?

I talked about this sorta to an online text counselling service and they did sorta give me some good advice, but idk man, you can't avoid shit like romance forever by changing the convo. I'm gonna have to face it head on whether I wanna or not, because if people ask me directly who I like, how does anyone possibly get out of that? Short answer: I literally don't know.


On the other hand, I feel so alone all the time in this manner that words can't rlly describe it. I wanna talk about this with my school counsolor, but I fear unhelpful responses and such. I mean, my school is LGBTQ+ accepting, which is honestly a big positive, but I doubt she'll be able to understand on a truly personal level what I'm going through, because this isn't like, for example, an LGBTQ+ allosexual giving in to heteronormality, I'm literally facing allonormality, which kinda extends to everyone and everywhere.

Idk, should I talk to her about it? It's not like I've ever brought up topics like this before to her, and I don't wanna come off so sudden about it. But then again, I can barely type it up into words, not to mention speaking to a real human person about it. It's just this weird doubt  feeling that's circling around my brain a lot and I'm really sure how to proceed.


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ok, you dont have to directly tell your councellor your thoughts on aromanticism to let her know you are not comfortable with what your friends are talking about. if you want to talk to her you can decide how much of your life you want to tell.

One thing i really think you should do is think about why you are keen on switching the convesation when your friends talk about romance. If it is a worry about not being able to have anything to add to the conversation then how to deal with that may be very different to if you are not comfortable with the topic altogether.

I think it is worth pointing out that a school councellor will almost never be able to relate to the person they are councelling on that truly personal level you are talking about, they are from a different time and how they would have experienced school social pressures will be different. What they might be able to offer you is wise advice from expperience and possibly training in mental health.


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