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How do you know if you're greyromantic?


Guest Anonymous
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Hi there!
I'm grey-aro. I didn't come to that conclusion easily. For the longest time I thought I was alloromantic. I have had a couple "actual" romantic attractions, and a handful of "well, this person might be fun to date" thoughts that may or may not count as very minor romantic attraction.
Ultimately, what makes me believe that I am right in adopting the grey-aromantic label is that I think about dating people and then think "ew, no" along with a realization that I want to stay single and would ultimately probably be happier that way. Also..... sometimes the idea of romance just seeems..... incredibly odd.

I don't think there's any harm in trying a label on for size and giving it some time to see if it feels right. And ultimately, I figure that my labels are my knowledge of what I am to the best of my ability to understand my current self. If I gain experience in the future that my labels are off, that's 100% okay. I can always change the label.

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It took almost a year and half after finding the aromantic label and reading about the spectrum for me to finally settle with identifying as grayro. Functionally I am aromantic in a sense that I don't crave companionship or romance. But I am grayro because I will crave those things if there is someone I like. I know what romantic attraction feels like, but I have only felt it once. My feelings are very infrequent, unpredictable, and nonexistent most of the time. But I think I am capable of it under the right circumstances (someone and I are friends for a long time and something just clicks). Most people would say that's demiromantic, but I disagree. I have never had any real feelings for any of my friends, except that one guy. I also go back and forth on whether or not I undersand romance. I get annoyed by it sometimes. I also really don't like dating as it feels forced, phony, and unnecessary. So I'd say I'm definitely in the gray area. 

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For me I wasn't sure the aromantic label fit for a while since I've always enjoyed romance in movies & tv (both fiction & non-fiction). When I was younger I used to imagine that I'd want that, too, "some day when I got older," but I never actually did. I went on a couple of dates in my 20s I think or early 30s, but before, during, and while on them I knew I'd rather be doing so many other things than that, and then just decided I didn't need to do that anymore just because it was a societal expectation. I realized I was asexual first (long before I knew the term) then eventually when researching more about micro-labels, I found "aegoromantic" (sometimes spelled "anegoromantic") & that was accurate for me. (Source: https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Aromantic_spectrum). I do like romance in media & I definitely "ship" characters, though I don't really understand romance, so I think I'm actually more analyzing, studying, and appreciating it. (I also appreciate not engaging in it personally, but still feeling invested in how the relationships' stories unfold & are told.) I have discovered that I'm only drawn to romance involving females (either heteroromantic or lesbians), but perhaps since I'm likely analyzing them & identify as female myself, maybe that's why I'm only invested in those. I'm still not 100% sure of the reason for that, though - it's just a theory.

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