pls can my attraction be consistent

[hermi1e]

hi besties i just wanna rant ig

so i think i have a crush on this girl or something, she's just this really awesome person that i only recently started hanging out with. and ig i've really been wondering if i can make some moves with her over the summer, but it turns out she's going out of town for the entire summer, and then i'm going to college out of town in the fall. so there goes that.

i'm just disappointed cuz i've been putting off acting on the crush because my crushes are always inconsistent. i like someone rly hard for a week, then i don't for a few days, then i like them again, etc etc. also i always tend to panic and stop liking people if they reciprocate the feelings, which has led to some shitty relationships in the past. so i've been staying just friends with this girl because i was afraid that would happen again, and that made me miss my chance.

but bro this girl. oh my gosh. she's so cute and i rly rly wish it could work out, like in some alternate universe. and it's also my first time liking a girl and it's making me want to explore that more in the future, but what if my inconsistent attraction ruins that? what if i never get to kiss a girl and enjoy it because i the attraction in my brain shuts off? what if i never get to do that with anyone, even if i wanted to, because my brain makes me back out?

ok that's it. thank you for reading this if you did. if anyone else has experienced inconsistent attraction or relates at all or has suggestions on how to stop experiencing this, feel free to respond. love ya, hope you have a great day!