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Help pinning down where I fall in the spec?

Guest Kal

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Hello! I would like some advice... I'm ace, but only kind of certain I fall in the arospec somewhere, since I have never fallen in love, the idea is still alien to me, and my fantasy of an ideal life partner relationship lacks the traditional gestures like kissing, holding hands, hugging... yet I do have fantasies. 

Usually when I'm having a good time by myself, I catch myself thinking "man, if I only had someone to share this with". I noticed I would prefer for this someone to be the same person every time. Yet the idea of someone asking me out makes me rehearse the many ways I can gently turn them down... 

I do experience aesthetic attraction from time to time, and it seems to be prevalent when I know the person specializes in some science, art or medicine, so I guess I have a type? 

Which leads me to this. A month ago I was reading a book about the life of a painter. I started reading with the interest of learning about the styles of the era. The book had some photos of him, but I ignored them in favor of those of the paintings. Yet by half of the book not only my admiration for his work and approach AND person had increased inmensely, but I found myself coming back to those photos. I would have never thought I would find a guy that died a century ago "cute" but I guess that happened. And you know what else happened? I was giggling like a schoolgirl all the time. I had to stop and read another time because I couldn't concentrate anymore.  

This feeling lasted for a day, possibly. Typing this makes me feel kind of excited, though I haven't felt exactly the same since then. But I kid you not until the feeling was gone I didn't even remember the photos were black and white. I someone had held a gun in my back I would have said  blue and green, but no, they were black and white. What. 

Other sites fail to explain if this is a crush or not because they assume the person I have a crush is alive and kicking while I have only felt this some of these feelings for people that died at least a century ago lol. I know having unattainable "crushes" is common among arospec people, but in all honesty I haven't got the chance to meet a lot of people since I became open to the idea of having a relationship, so this is most were the confusion comes from. 

College is starting soon so I want to have a better idea of where I lie in the spec in case I find the friend I'm looking for. Any help is appreciated

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