Do I want a relationship? Or maybe even a queerplatonic relationship? Or am I just trying to fit in?

[Bookworm2023]

Okay, so does anyone else feel this way? I just watched Heartstopper on Netflix, and it was really really cute, but then it brought up all these questions that I didn't realize I had. I saw Nick and Charlie just being so sweet and wholesome, like, hugging and kissing, and just being in each other's company, and it maybe realize that I kind of want to do that? But like, I don't have a specific person that I would want to do that with. I think a queerplatonic relationship would be the right fit, but everyone around me seems really allo, and I don't know if that would be the right fit for anyone else. I'd be comfortable with maybe trying some romantically coded things like holding hands, cuddling, and maybe kissing if I was comfortable, but I don't really have those feelings for anyone at the moment, but like, I want to? But I feel like that if I do, I'm just kidding myself, and trying to fit into a hetero normative pattern? I don't know. I'm just really confused. I guess that's what watching actual wholesome queer content does. Makes you question things. Definitely ace though. Figured that out when everyone was obsessing over Bridgerton and I didn't see why.

 

-Just a really confused ace/possibly on the aro spectrum 

*Did post this on AVEN, but still working through some stuff, so I thought I'd try here as well.

[Sili]

Sure, you're not alone. I have wanted people to kiss and cuddle.  For me being Aro isnt about not wanting to do those things, its more about the romantic intent behind them. I would be perfectly fine doing these romantically coded things with most of my friends, and theres never really been someone I want to do it with more, nor have I felt the romantic elements behind them. In fact, a cuddle buddy is something I have activly searched for in the past. Wanting physical affection is not the same as wanting a romantic relationship.

[Holmbo]

I often like cuddly things in theory more than reality. Does that mean I'm wrong about one or the other, I'm not sure.

[blepinnoodles]

There are a couple of possibilities here and none of them could even matter. What matters is what you feel like doing or being. Heck, even that doesn't matter, as long as you feel like you and are happy!

One possibility is that you may be cupioromantic. Here's the Google definition just in case you don't know, cause I know I didn't know what it meant just a month ago.

"Cupioromantic describes a person who desires a romantic relationship but doesn't experience romantic attraction to others"

 

Another possibility is that you are demiromantic, like me! While I think it may be a stretch, it may still be a possibility. Here's the Google definition in case you don't know, since most of the people I talk to just can't seem to remember or know.

"A demiromantic person is someone who only develops romantic feelings for another person when they have a strong emotional connection to them"

The last one I can think of right now is that you are just aro. Being aro doesn't necessarily equate to no more cuddles, hand holding, or kisses. That's just depriving you of positive human contact, and a big no no. 

 

I hope I helped, and a word of advice from someone who's struggled and wondered about their sexuality and romantic orientation for at least a year, you can take your time to decide. It doesn't have to be right now, or ever really, as long as you're happy. While it may be freeing or satisfying to finally put a label to what you're feeling, it shouldn't send you down any spirals or keep you up at night.

I'm going to stop here before I go on any rants, I have a bad habit of doing that. Or preaching (I've been told I do that) actually, who knows, maybe I'll become a preacher or one of those guest speakers at schools to dissuade you from doing stupid stuff.